It's been a long while since the last time I posted anything here on my blog. I am a bit uncertain if this post I have come up with still falls under the category of creative writing since most of the words used in here are quite shallow. I can't help but feel that my brain cells have deteriorated in my many months of not writing. Nonetheless, these words came from my heart and are therefore worthy of posting. My apologies for the vulgar content.
PUTANGINAMO HAYUP KA PINAASA MO KO!
The 10 Things
1. YOU SLEEP TOO EARLY
9pm pa lang pero puro goodnight texts na ang natatanggap ko from you. Ano to may bedtime? elementary? It's actually pretty hard to believe a 19yo na may ganitong keme pa. I have been filled with speculations na 9pm onwards is your quality time with (insert name of boyfriend here) oo, i don't want to mention his name! Of course, I never had the courage to ask, I'm not even in the position to ask ... and even if I were, I wouldn't dare, baka hindi ko lang magustuhan ung sagot.
2. YOU'RE TOO SWEET
Bakit kelangan may hugs and :* ang mga texts mo? why do you make sleep on your shoulder/lap? why are you so irresistibly sweet kung sabi mo nga FRIENDS lang tayo? Naiinis ako kasi I can't help but assume na we're more than friends dahil sa mga ginagawa mo. Alam mong may gusto ako sa'yo, alam nating may gusto ka rin sakin at higit sa lahat alam nating may boyfriend ka na pero bakit ganito parin? ano to? paasa?? why do you have to be such a tease? Oo, masaya siya.. nakakakilig e pero what's the use kung at the end of the day all I do is cry? I cry because the hugs and kisses saved on my inbox are constant reminders of someone I can never have.
3. YOU MAKE ME DO STUPID THINGS
I cut class (sometimes) I wait for almost 3 hours prior to your dismissal, gumigising ako ng sobrang aga kahit afternoon pa ang classes ko para lang makasabay ka. Okay, I know you never asked me to do these things pero can't you see?? I am this crazy just to be with you!
4. I'M THE BEST WHEN I'M WITH YOU
Next to my bestfriend, ikaw yung tao na sobrang comfortable akong kasama. I can be myself... no masks, no pretenses. There's genuine happiness every time I'm with you. Ang sakit kasi we both know na hindi na babalik yung dati.
5. YOU'RE INSENSITIVE
There was this time na you were planning to go to ***** and I asked if I could come along. "hindi pwede, magkikita kasi kami ng boyfriend ko"I was like... PUTANGINA! alam kong hindi naman tayo pero sana cinonsider mo man lang na masakit marinig yun on my part tutal alam mo namang may gusto ako sa'yo diba? SANA NAGSINUNGALING KA NA LANG! Eh yung mga panahon na I'm hanging out with your friends tapos sasabihin mong "guys, punta kayo sa birthday ni boyfriend ha" my god! sadya ba yon? ... pero sige, wala akong karapatan magreklamo, ginusto ko to e.
6. YOU MAKE IT SEEM TOO EASY
When I decided to end everything between us ( as if there really was something to end ) hindi basta basta yun! I had to gather all my courage and face the fact that YOU can NEVER be MINE. Do you have any idea how it feels na pigilan yung sarili mo from doing the things na nakasanayan na like texting you and exchanging sweet nothings? IT'S FUCKING HARD!
"Grabe ka wala ka man lang talagang reply sa mga texts ko or kaya paramdam ganito ganyan tapos puro okay lang yung sagot mo kanina." are you serious? tingin mo ba madali lang yung pagpipigil na ginawa ko? of course not! I had to control myself dahil pag nag give in nanaman ako, iiyak at iiyak lang ako.
7. YOU'RE SELF-CENTERED
Remember the time na tiniis kong hindi kita itext? nagalit ka diba pero nung nagalit ka hindi ko kinaya... hindi kita natiis kaya NAGREPLY AKO. I was drunk that time pero nilakad ko yung main road para lang maghanap ng loading station just so I can call and make sure you're okay. We went to school together that morning dinedma mo ko, hindi mo ko kinakausap YOU MADE ME LOOK STUPID and what was your reason? kasi gusto mong magalit ako sayo? kasi gusto mong maramdaman ko yung feeling na hindi kinakausap? BULLSHIT! Why do you need to get even? Hindi pa ba enough yung texts and failed call attempts ko? Was there ever a time na gumanti ako when all you do was hurt me? tell me! was there ever a time?
8. YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME
And that's just one fucking thing I don't wanna talk about.
9. YOU ACT AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED
You still call and text at nageexpect ka pa ng reply. Bakit ganon? ayoko na nga diba? ayaw na kitang kausapin. If you can't love me, will you at least help me move on?!
10. NAKAKAMISS KA
There! I admit it! I miss everything! Your scent, your witty humor, your cold sarcastic jokes... pero tama na. Enough is enough. I should stop feeding this emotion. I assume hindi ka mahihirapan magmove on dahil you're with someone na and I don't want to be the kawawa being left behind.