tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46211930635695483502024-03-05T00:19:41.902-08:00Eli's escapadesA collection of poems, proses and short stories about finding, losing and struggling with unrequited love.Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.comBlogger135125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-88063781428318132462018-11-05T12:11:00.000-08:002018-11-05T12:11:06.530-08:00Happy BirthdayHappy Birthday...and congratulations<br />
<br />
I know you're happy with him and that makes me happy. Although, even I cannot summon the smile to convince myself that what I'm saying is true but I know it is, because at the end of the day... I know that your happiness is what matters to me.Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-37440446607814932782018-06-06T13:47:00.001-07:002018-06-06T13:47:33.322-07:00Salvation<span style="font-size: x-small;">Sadness and numbness, sometimes you cannot tell the difference.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Arguably one of the reasons people isolate themselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Vehement waves of unbearable longing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Echoing through the silence of the abyss.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Mend the brokenness.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Endure the agony.</span>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-12274257127718062752018-03-06T05:36:00.001-08:002018-03-06T05:36:32.516-08:00Seasons II<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He saw the sun retreat in the distance</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Its rays yielding into the crippling night</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Snowflakes fell from the sky</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Like sorrowful tears from a widow's cry</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Winter was over and he was his spring</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But the cold is more powerful; dark and unforgiving</span>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-16159110907889096962018-03-03T01:02:00.001-08:002018-03-03T01:02:40.386-08:00Seasons<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> The snow began to melt</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> The night your first kiss was felt</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> Dark clouds gave way for the sun</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> To shed light and had the sorrow undone</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> The birds joyfully sing</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> To the blissful songs your voice brings</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> Butterflies dance to the flowers that bloom</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> As the last bits of snow washes away my gloom</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> I will keep you in my heart</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> A secret place where forever you'll be a part</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> For your heart has given mine a whole new meaning</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> As winter is over and you are my spring</span></div>
Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-29344236749932684972018-01-13T04:21:00.001-08:002018-05-10T09:52:42.634-07:00Joseph, I hope you rot in hell."He just said he didn't want to do it anymore" Ryan sighed, expressionless. His eyes, hollow, soulless.<br />
<br />
"He said he didn't want to do it? that's it?" Corazon exclaimed in disbelief, slamming her hands on the antique table, almost catching everyone's attention in the French Cafe they were seated in.<br />
<br />
Ryan looked up and stared at Corazon. Her face was bursting with rage yet her eyes radiated compassion and empathy.<br />
<br />
"Yes, just like that" He replied.<br />
<br />
She reached for his hand and cupped it in hers, trying to calm the storm underneath his untroubled aura.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry babe, you did not deserve that." She whispered.<br />
<br />
But<br />
<br />
There was no storm. there were no tears to shed and no broken heart to piece together... only nothingness and barely-healed wounds.<br />
<br />
July 31, 12:38pm<br />
"One day, we will live together forever and I will look after you in health and in sickness. I love you."<br />
<br />
Under any circumstances, Ryan would have fallen in love with Joseph's sweet ensemble of words but Gabriel, his great love, had already destroyed him. He knew that Joseph would leave just like the others. Ryan saved himself this time. He knew that he can never trust any man again.<br />
<br />
"I'm okay, it's just a scratch." Ryan uttered as he placed the turquoise, porcelain teacup on the saucer.<br />
<br />
He yearned for long drives; looking for drive-thrus, taking car selfies and singing wildly to pop songs, hearts bursting with laughter, hands held and fingers intertwined.<br />
<br />
He dreamed of warm and cozy nights; snuggled in bed, nestled in each other's arms, glued on Netflix while binge eating. His lover running his fingers through the strands of his hair as he gently planted kisses on his forehead.<br />
<br />
He fantasized getting drunk at a club, dancing foolishly at the center with his partner, eyes fixed at each other's gaze as the noise muffled and the crowd faded in the background.<br />
<br />
He envisioned trivial quarrels that blossomed into fierce lovemaking, bodies naked covered in kisses, minds blank and hearts full.<br />
<br />
Corazon stood up and sat beside Ryan "look at me" She said as she wrapped her arm around him. "I hope you find someone who will respect your feelings".<br />
<br />
But the fire in him has ebbed.<br />
<br />
He grew cynical and callous. He refused to feel and open up again.<br />
<br />
Ryan retreated to an emotional fortress where no one can touch him again.<br />
<br />
"Yeah I guess" He replied with a casual smirk.<br />
<br />Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-56684786701806703862017-06-30T08:11:00.001-07:002017-10-04T04:35:47.724-07:00Memories In a Love Song<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">“ikaw ang pag-ibig, sa araw at gabi..."</span></div>
<div>
(You are the love as the sun rises 'til it sets) </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My heart recalls</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"ikaw ang pag-asang tanglaw sa dilim" </div>
<div>
(You are the hope that sheds light in the dark) </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In the freezing hostile nights </div>
<div>
There I was, carving words of joy </div>
<div>
Hands bare</div>
<div>
Alone </div>
<div>
Indifferent </div>
<div>
Yet breathing still, unbroken </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"napapawi ang hirap at pighati" </div>
<div>
(it soothes the difficulty and sorrow) </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My heart was frozen </div>
<div>
Your love was fire</div>
<div>
It purged my soul</div>
<div>
Of all its fears and doubts</div>
<div>
I felt whole, alive </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"langit ang buhay sa tuwing ika'y hahagkan, anong ligaya sa tuwing ika'y mamasdan" </div>
<div>
(life is heaven with you, what joy it is to set my eyes on you)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My heart was overjoyed </div>
<div>
Love flowed from its veins</div>
<div>
And filled its beating chambers </div>
<div>
It moved firmly and quietly </div>
<div>
I was whole and alive </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"sa piling mo, ang gabi'y tila araw, ikaw ang pangarap, ikay lamang" </div>
<div>
(with you, the evenings are mornings, you are my dream, you alone.)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In you I find solace </div>
<div>
My day and night </div>
<div>
My breathtaking sunrise </div>
<div>
My tranquil evening sky </div>
<div>
With you I have purpose </div>
<div>
With you</div>
<div>
I am whole and alive</div>
Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-47441916444347037992017-03-29T15:01:00.003-07:002017-03-29T15:01:45.352-07:00Twilight<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
5:10am</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
They looked at him with inquisitive eyes; waiting for a spark that would illuminate the depths of his soul.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<i>"If you really did love him, why didn't you fight for him? why didn't you beg when he decided to leave?"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
He took a deep breath, leaned back and puffed his last cigarette as he veered away and threw his gaze up the starless sky; subtly attempting to recollect the events that transpired about two years ago.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<i>"you know..."</i> he felt a sudden pang in his heart as the words reluctantly escaped his lips -a dull pain which he managed to conceal behind a casual smirk.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<i>"wouldn't it be selfish if you force someone to stay and love you kahit na hindi ka na nila kayang mahalin?"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<i>"kasi diba..."</i> They watched his pupils dilate -a subconscious sign of readiness of love yet through them they saw defeat and emptiness. Love and sorrow -it was a paradox in its cruelest form. <i>"kapag mahal mo, dapat kung saan siya sasaya?"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
He noticed the quizzical expression on their faces. <i>"was the feeling suicidal?"</i> They both asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
In a swift second, he once again plunged into the maggot broth of forlorn memories.<i> "masakit..."</i> He whispered. <i>"na kahit ikamatay ko pa, kung sa paraang iyon ay mabubuhay siya..."</i> he paused and let out an insignificant breath <i>"magpapakamatay na lang ako."</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<i>"do you still..."</i> They hesitated. Both of his friends knew the severity of their question</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
His vigorous love for him has stood the passage of time. It was the kind of love that was silent and self-sacrificing yet unrelenting. The seventh wonder of the world, his sun and moon, the love of his life, his habibi, will never come back and with that he is certain. Be that as it may, he still made an irrevocable decision to keep loving until the last teardrop falls; until the next phase of the moon, until the dying embers in his heart burn out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
5:59am</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
He saw the colors of the sun's glow in the horizon; the spectrum it threw at the great divide. The evening had ended in a nostalgic twilight. And through his eyes of perpetual sorrow, he looked at his friends..</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>"yes, i still do."</i></div>
Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-47968543465824066012017-01-11T12:28:00.001-08:002017-01-11T12:28:09.485-08:00ChoicesSo that is how it feels like... to hear the person you love weep over the man he had replaced you with. <div><br></div><div>Like unsharpened knives cutting your heart open, its dull edges prolonging the process inflicting more pain and suffering.</div><div><br></div><div>Blood gushes each passing moment, every sob takes the blade deeper.</div><div><br></div><div>You stay and endure the ache</div><div>just so his heart and soul wouldn't break</div><div><br></div><div>His tears eventually lulls him to sleep</div><div>and you, you my friend, will be nothing more but a mere sponge who willingly absorbed his burden out of sheer stupidity.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-91598385233333766752016-12-31T12:35:00.001-08:002016-12-31T12:35:10.519-08:00Happy New Yearhe was drowning<div>in his own tears</div><div>of unending sorrow</div><div>his muffled screams </div><div>unheard by the people</div><div>celebrating the new year</div><div>he was alone</div><div>empty</div><div>lifeless</div><div><br></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-58100797733418759472016-11-16T13:19:00.001-08:002016-11-16T13:19:26.947-08:00random"From time to time, Paige went out with doctors from the hospital, but she refused to get romantically involved with any of them. Alfred Turner had hurt her too deeply, and she was determined never to go through that again."<div><br></div><div>-S.Sheldon, Nothing Lasts Forever</div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-48286509355572074542016-11-08T14:50:00.001-08:002016-11-08T14:50:30.654-08:00isolation<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">He yearned for long drives</span></div><div>for lazy mornings and warm nights</div><div><br></div><div>he longed for slow dances </div><div>underneath the black, moonlit canvas</div><div>to the rhythm of unspoken vows</div><div>of eternal love and fidelity</div><div><br></div><div>he craved for petty quarrels</div><div>that blossomed into fierce love making </div><div>which left nothing but gentle kisses</div><div>and intertwined souls caressed by the cold autumn breeze</div><div><br></div><div>he dreamed of discovering new worlds</div><div>exploring cities</div><div>getting lost in a labyrinth strangers and skyscrapers</div><div>unafraid of wandering too far</div><div>for you, his home, is with him.</div><div><br></div><div>but just as dreams dissolve at the crack of dawn</div><div>so did his</div><div>he looked in the mirror and saw the void on his chest</div><div>the nothingness that engulfed the remaining fragments of his heart</div><div>"the pain is debilitating" he thought</div><div><br></div><div>he retreated into an emotional fortress where no one could touch him again.</div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-57216478475065952212016-11-07T02:18:00.001-08:002016-11-07T02:18:14.873-08:0011/4/16<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2EO1w1-DZFzhPh5S6dOUbc6z-oKti-_RRzrYt4G4i5xlDMX8LBdilNcDr1h2vwgIZFFGIxW7kvvAK8yJO_RoGbcqno7-ZXfLR5vQa_hhh9UccgP9TYZPGc35o0SdBsdMqz10ABmhmX2MU/s640/blogger-image-842745812.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2EO1w1-DZFzhPh5S6dOUbc6z-oKti-_RRzrYt4G4i5xlDMX8LBdilNcDr1h2vwgIZFFGIxW7kvvAK8yJO_RoGbcqno7-ZXfLR5vQa_hhh9UccgP9TYZPGc35o0SdBsdMqz10ABmhmX2MU/s640/blogger-image-842745812.jpg"></a></div>May all your dreams come trueElihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-41043639521844369832016-09-11T16:00:00.001-07:002016-09-11T16:06:58.841-07:00insignificant sighsNine months have already passed<div><br></div><div>I can still feel the pain</div><div><br></div><div>one wrong picture</div><div><br></div><div>one wrong song</div><div><br></div><div>evoke forlorn memories</div><div><br></div><div>that lurk deep in the crevices </div><div><br></div><div>of my flimsy heart</div><div><br></div><div>____</div><div><br></div><div>maybe they're right</div><div><br></div><div>i am but a soul that needs saving</div><div><br></div><div>a new love</div><div><br></div><div>a spark of hope</div><div><br></div><div>but hope</div><div><br></div><div>like love</div><div><br></div><div>is something I have abandoned</div><div><br></div><div>just as how i was abandoned</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>***</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-43354030509036762892016-08-23T17:43:00.001-07:002016-08-23T17:43:11.857-07:00randomMaybe one day i'll be done, i'll be at peace. But until then, I'll continue to write your name... only to curse it.Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-77111007839351771522016-06-07T12:26:00.001-07:002016-06-07T12:35:57.898-07:00the vowalone he sat in the corner<div><br></div><div>running his palm on his chest</div><div><br></div><div>on withered scars that cover his heart</div><div><br></div><div>he remembered them sweet words vividly</div><div><br></div><div>what he said about love</div><div><br></div><div>about its wonders</div><div><br></div><div>about gliding through wheat fields</div><div><br></div><div>about lazy mornings</div><div><br></div><div>and skinny dipping in the ocean</div><div><br></div><div>he reread the poems</div><div><br></div><div>the songs</div><div><br></div><div>the little things</div><div><br></div><div>...</div><div><br></div><div>he hated it</div><div><br></div><div>...</div><div><br></div><div>you never leave the person you love</div><div><br></div><div>how can you abandon love?</div><div><br></div><div>...</div><div><br></div><div>eyes shut, he gently whispered</div><div><br></div><div>to forever close his doors</div><div><br></div><div>to shut people away</div><div><br></div><div>because everyone will leave eventually</div><div><br></div><div>and words, no matter how shiny they are</div><div><br></div><div>will lose its lustre when trials come</div><div><br></div><div>so he swore</div><div><br></div><div>with the remaining fragments of his heart on his clutches</div><div><br></div><div>to NEVER engage in love again</div><div><br></div><div>for love</div><div><br></div><div>is nothing more</div><div><br></div><div>than an illusion</div><div><br></div><div>a snare</div><div><br></div><div>and a trap of wonderful promises</div><div><br></div><div>***</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I<i> know you're happy and I hope you always get what you deserve. I hope you fulfill your dreams and I wish I am there to chase them with you. I'm afraid you are the last person I will ever love.</i></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><i><br></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><i>I'm not okay yet but I will be eventually, because in the end, you having found happiness is what matters...</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><i>Though I'm not going to lie, deep in the subconscious part of my head is a spark of hope wishing that one day we will be together or maybe you having found the stregnth to give us another chance.</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><i><br></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><i>Good night.</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-60766663345573249772016-05-28T13:42:00.001-07:002016-05-28T13:42:25.412-07:00to the boy who awakened my heart<div>he's a writer</div><div><br></div><div>his words were warm and inviting; it thawed my frozen heart</div><div><br></div><div>they were sweet as honey</div><div><br></div><div>beautiful like summertime butterflies fluttering in the air</div><div><br></div><div>i was but a sad, broken hearted boy who needed saving and his timing was impeccable.</div><div><br></div><div>"stop holding back, show me the real you, the one you never show to anybody and i will show you real love."</div><div><br></div><div>"i want to be your bestfriend, your lover, your everything."</div><div><br></div><div>and it went on</div><div><br></div><div>"thats the beauty of loving someone who's broken kasi it's like you saved him"</div><div><br></div><div>i didnt need you, i never did but i took the risk because i trusted you.</div><div><br></div><div>"im half awake and im not sure if im typing this correctly..." he wrote "but if i have to whisper one last sentence, it would be: you're my everything"</div><div><br></div><div>"i want to be the one to make you feel all kinds of emotions."</div><div><br></div><div>your love, got me singing, got me doing things unimaginable. </div><div><br></div><div>it drove away the hurt, the loneliness, the past. i felt alive.</div><div><br></div><div>"this is hard but i will be damned before i let this ship fall, i love you so much elijah, i will never give up on you, im not going anywhere."</div><div><br></div><div>and then everything changed...</div><div><br></div><div>"he's caught my attention..."</div><div><br></div><div>"i dont know if this is worth it anymore..."</div><div><br></div><div>"i need time to think..."</div><div><br></div><div>"i dont think i can do this..."</div><div><br></div><div>i was a wreck, i was weak but i had to be strong and fight for what we started.</div><div><br></div><div>"im ending things with you elijah, i cannot handle this baggage, this relationship is slowing me down."</div><div><br></div><div>like taking knives and slowly stabbing my already broken heart, i kept rereading your messages.</div><div><br></div><div>rereading them while, at the same time, listening to your songs and reading the poems youve written for me.</div><div><br></div><div>my heart was drowning in a sea of inexpressible sorrow, i could not breathe.</div><div><br></div><div>you took your mask off, showed me all the skeletons in your closet and unveiled your book. it was difficult but i accepted them all and stayed. </div><div><br></div><div>and yet,</div><div><br></div><div>someone came along and caught your attention.</div><div><br></div><div>i brushed it off</div><div><br></div><div>and instead, trusted in your love</div><div><br></div><div>i trusted your words</div><div><br></div><div>i trusted you</div><div><br></div><div>but you...</div><div><br></div><div>you picked my heart up only to piece it together and throw it against a wall.</div><div><br></div><div>ang sakit naman nito</div><div><br></div><div>i guess i was right, i will never be good enough; i will never be worth keeping.</div><div><br></div><div>it was nice meeting you, shamsi.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>*** </div><div><br></div><div>he refused to stitch his heart up and slept with the cuts open. he hoped that by dawn, every single emotion would have flowed out from the wounds thus, waking up numb.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>***</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-69506367423318927612016-05-26T16:49:00.001-07:002016-05-26T16:49:50.578-07:00TANGINA TALAGA LAGI NA LANG! TANGINANG BUHAY TO AYOKO NAElihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-6075468570500196222016-05-21T12:23:00.001-07:002016-05-21T12:23:07.596-07:00<div>he hated his concept of love</div><div><br></div><div>he despised yet took pride of it at the same time</div><div><br></div><div>it was a love that kept no record of wrongs</div><div><br></div><div>a true one</div><div><br></div><div>a persevering one</div><div><br></div><div>one that chooses to see past the shortcomings</div><div><br></div><div>one that loves even when the person is unlovable</div><div><br></div><div>to some it was unhealthy</div><div><br></div><div>to him it was the perfect gift</div><div><br></div><div>or perhaps a curse</div><div><br></div><div>he loathed himself for always caring</div><div><br></div><div>for enduring the beating</div><div><br></div><div>he believed that the only time you will let go </div><div><br></div><div>is when the love is gone</div><div><br></div><div>that strength is measured </div><div><br></div><div>by staying</div><div><br></div><div>and not by taking the easy way out</div><div><br></div><div>he detested his ideals</div><div><br></div><div>his strength is an abomination</div><div><br></div><div>*grabs feelings and crushes it with bare hands</div><div><br></div><div>he wished for numbness</div><div><br></div><div>for apathy</div><div><br></div><div>for oblivion</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-46979958096963989952016-05-07T07:25:00.001-07:002016-05-07T12:37:18.946-07:00deep breathshe remained silent<div><br></div><div>he was the type who never speak unless spoken to</div><div><br></div><div>he just sat there by the window</div><div><br></div><div>the moon's pulsating beam illuminated his curled up body</div><div><br></div><div>the cool evening breeze caressed his skin</div><div><br></div><div>everything else was pitch black</div><div><div><br></div><div>nothing can be heard <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">except for his soft, muffled sobs resonating across the walls.</span></div><div><br></div><div>memories were relived </div><div><br></div><div>wounds were reopened</div><div><br></div><div>so much pain</div><div><br></div><div>horror</div><div><br></div><div>regret and bereavement </div><div><br></div><div>he grew desperate</div><div><br></div><div>desperate to free himself from the clutches of fear</div><div><br></div><div>but he had lost his strength</div><div><br></div><div>he was fragile and vulnerable</div><div><br></div><div>numb</div><div><br></div><div>so he just sat there</div><div><br></div><div>hushed</div><div><br></div><div>in the dark</div><div><br></div><div>by himself</div><div><br></div><div><i>"i dont know if this is worth it."</i></div><div><br></div><div>and waited till the pain fades away.</div><div><br></div><div>because, really, there's nothing he can do</div><div><br></div><div>and maybe he will be never worth it anyway</div><div><br></div><div>***</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-62612376047833125222016-05-04T14:03:00.001-07:002016-05-04T14:03:40.471-07:00I just wanted you to know, that when I picture myself happy, it's with you.Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-80411043870377456352016-04-30T04:31:00.001-07:002016-04-30T04:31:58.499-07:00A chance at love II<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2TZPxCyTpbNjV3SnJggerspRbG2MLyjtYOCETuhEh5xLKqY4KeT9eYPnSq17cPBuzrzGzYsMo24CYUVUk_ff_Fh5UZuOZI6m26ebkyCQlvgF1yQ1lXXxDRKDIN1wP8z5F96UQwyWo9xuU/s640/blogger-image--1142501063.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2TZPxCyTpbNjV3SnJggerspRbG2MLyjtYOCETuhEh5xLKqY4KeT9eYPnSq17cPBuzrzGzYsMo24CYUVUk_ff_Fh5UZuOZI6m26ebkyCQlvgF1yQ1lXXxDRKDIN1wP8z5F96UQwyWo9xuU/s640/blogger-image--1142501063.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">A writer to another writer.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Right now, it's as if I am robbed of all the sweet words I know. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'm currently at work yet both my heart and mind are elsewhere; basking on a cloud of indescribable joy.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">My cup overflows with your love. Thank you, inta hayati.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-45888614410211136102016-04-26T14:22:00.001-07:002016-04-26T14:22:44.253-07:009 YEARS<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I started blogging back in 2007. I was a scrawny, bespectacled 15 year old, college freshman who just wanted to hone his writing prowess.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiahi_wtctcP_4NIfh1ATeLzAZrDfFo3AZebQ00YnemAG2XJ8SYXW2JtgnimHaLc7S_jbkdpTf0w7SIHo8iJW-xg6cgQZBJODrNuTrDSRRkUDva0ZE7o3gVPmvCoQOuVXpDTKdcYMucU-9G/s640/blogger-image-807047762.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiahi_wtctcP_4NIfh1ATeLzAZrDfFo3AZebQ00YnemAG2XJ8SYXW2JtgnimHaLc7S_jbkdpTf0w7SIHo8iJW-xg6cgQZBJODrNuTrDSRRkUDva0ZE7o3gVPmvCoQOuVXpDTKdcYMucU-9G/s640/blogger-image-807047762.jpg"></a></div><br></div>like OH MY GOD I looked so disgusting, it's as if I dont have money to buy food haha</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">A lot has changed during the course of nine years. Before, I used to tackle issues ranging from the most hated professor in college up to the university budget.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Everyone in the academe had something to say about the policies that run the country. Stupid me tried fitting in haha and man, I did not enjoy one bit.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTzWTjfhHJBc0RGjyNHNOUbKTiMVO-yEPSqbss2_D48PaSE3YfPN3ltOD88_aXxZnJUFy7kx2eoMtHsbHtL4YvtO5SzJXck9o63hwvN5ELxpRd8LWleA9yiCHYkWLdELSfX-TMzusWbeX9/s640/blogger-image-1651480464.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTzWTjfhHJBc0RGjyNHNOUbKTiMVO-yEPSqbss2_D48PaSE3YfPN3ltOD88_aXxZnJUFy7kx2eoMtHsbHtL4YvtO5SzJXck9o63hwvN5ELxpRd8LWleA9yiCHYkWLdELSfX-TMzusWbeX9/s640/blogger-image-1651480464.jpg"></a></div><br></div>still looking gross haha</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">As I continued to grow in writing I realized that journalism is not my strength. I mean, I'm an okay feature, news and editorial writer but I knew I'm something else.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I tried reading more novels. My bookshelf was filled with Sidney Sheldons, Dan Browns, Paolo Coehlos and Nicholas Sparks. I fell in love with their styles, choices of words that tug ones heart strings.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I remember writing my first prose, or wait, was it a poem? i cant remember but what im certain is it wasn't anything journalistic. it wasn't good but people loved it so I kept going.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">it was tough at first but eventually i got the hang of communicating my feelings and even effectively creating characters and picturing scenarios through words.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">this blog has witnessed my first and last heartbreak with a girl haha and then with hmm three guys i think? by the time i came out of the closet haha</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">i honestly dont know where I'm going with this haha it's just nice to look back.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKtJS5WinETAMHYmd8cTgpjb9mUTXIyeVjZUbwN8hw5zKRDt30kQn8DRh0fWRNU5ceiE_cQbRAD8lr2pIiEJ6eedBaq5ZT-dwwiZU4TMYB2lk89CJI4UME3UBd9FajKweYgCkIEbmEvWrO/s640/blogger-image--1548224671.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKtJS5WinETAMHYmd8cTgpjb9mUTXIyeVjZUbwN8hw5zKRDt30kQn8DRh0fWRNU5ceiE_cQbRAD8lr2pIiEJ6eedBaq5ZT-dwwiZU4TMYB2lk89CJI4UME3UBd9FajKweYgCkIEbmEvWrO/s640/blogger-image--1548224671.jpg"></a></div>this me now and no, the guy on the photo is not a significant other, my friends just said i look good on the picture so i chose it.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx-xpaKn6O7UhD5wQ3uipUGEYL7Yi0ONMpEsW7Wrw4nE1T2nruJJA_PPfTq82n44hgo5sHIWuEP8He_f-1cuLCPHvIiyZjlzCWtnReuiA6AmCpPsfSQhyGuopxiBLvYEI1_V-m1eHRkZIJ/s640/blogger-image--601195564.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx-xpaKn6O7UhD5wQ3uipUGEYL7Yi0ONMpEsW7Wrw4nE1T2nruJJA_PPfTq82n44hgo5sHIWuEP8He_f-1cuLCPHvIiyZjlzCWtnReuiA6AmCpPsfSQhyGuopxiBLvYEI1_V-m1eHRkZIJ/s640/blogger-image--601195564.jpg"></a></div><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuxNqSBuFMKbeB2SLFpAA3-Xx5f4_JjNBVSvAgIniG15zbsAGEazCiuFJpGIpfZz_VXnnSIjTHTBfLcJzbinVQmX94BtaPpJxHGkMGnZHVbheSuXySPny0CgyZAOJ_ZwEyv-BJQf96nj2p/s640/blogger-image--1303313046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuxNqSBuFMKbeB2SLFpAA3-Xx5f4_JjNBVSvAgIniG15zbsAGEazCiuFJpGIpfZz_VXnnSIjTHTBfLcJzbinVQmX94BtaPpJxHGkMGnZHVbheSuXySPny0CgyZAOJ_ZwEyv-BJQf96nj2p/s640/blogger-image--1303313046.jpg"></a></div><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijkEii5ldkerPFBg_cFD80uBMtjuLUSutQxmQR1d9n2F8JdqjetTDgtcHhsMXI6LPLWuaD8CuCsPZmugBpEMYRlGnlurJjoLTC_HK25OyYuSWVci7KcFHZlXPKcwYwxR6ngowXMC_3deVX/s640/blogger-image-1846081622.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijkEii5ldkerPFBg_cFD80uBMtjuLUSutQxmQR1d9n2F8JdqjetTDgtcHhsMXI6LPLWuaD8CuCsPZmugBpEMYRlGnlurJjoLTC_HK25OyYuSWVci7KcFHZlXPKcwYwxR6ngowXMC_3deVX/s640/blogger-image-1846081622.jpg"></a></div>i think it's fair to say that puberty and i got along pretty well.</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">oh btw, follow me and I'll do the same</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">ig: b0okofeli</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">snapchat: b0okofeli</font></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-24221015913509465592016-04-23T22:03:00.001-07:002016-04-26T13:42:18.288-07:00ChangesPain changes people they said.<div><br></div><div>... well, i feel myself changing and i love it.<div><br></div><div>A week ago my ex bestfriend here in dubai tried to reach out</div><div><br></div><div>One night, I woke up and saw a notification on my phone saying that I had missed a call from him which then was followed by a message on instagram saying "Eli, call me."</div><div><br></div><div>If i was my old, emotionally unstable self, I'm pretty sure that I wouldve ran outside the room where the signal is good and called him right away.</div><div><br></div><div>but i didn't.</div><div><br></div><div>a few days later our common friend called me and asked to grab a few drinks, I missed him so I said yes. When he mentioned that he's tagging along all I said was "nope, I'll see youbsome other time." "but you guys are bestfriends right?" he insisted, "nope" i replied.</div><div><br></div><div>it feels so damn good to not give a fuck.</div><div><br></div><div>some boys whom I was talking to back in February, I think, are still consistent in asking me out. I kept talking to them over the past few months in hopes that it would help me remain distracted to constantly checking my ex as I continued with the healing process.</div><div><br></div><div>i remember getting sad when the responses i get from them were shot and shallow. </div><div><br></div><div>when I uploaded a picture of me at the gym, these dumb dumbs started messaging me again and my response to all six of them consisted of five words: "ew, dont talk to me."</div><div><br></div><div>it feels so AMAZING to finally have the strength to say NO, to be able to stand my ground. Call it hard-hearted i dont care but i will not let anyone fuck with me.</div><div><br></div><div>I may never find true love again but I've learned to put myself first and that, I believe, is the best form of love.</div><div><br></div><div> </div></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-67245306420021795552016-04-16T21:34:00.001-07:002016-04-17T08:16:25.640-07:00it was a long thirty minute shower. <div><br></div><div>Memories flood his already exhausted mind as water trickled from scalp to toe.<div><br></div><div><i>"you dont know whats on my mind, you dont know what it's like to leave the person you love</i>." An audible voice whispered in his head.</div><div><br></div><div><i>"well I dont."</i> he murmured. "<i>i dont because i never leave the people i love</i>."</div><div><br></div><div>it was a fragment of an extremely destructive memory that seemed to have crawled its way from the abyss where he burried it, up to the surface.</div><div><br></div><div>he started to feel the scars</div><div><br></div><div>the hurt</div><div><br></div><div>he thought about which doors to close and which bridges to burn</div><div><br></div><div>because he knew that everybody out there is just going to hurt him</div><div><br></div><div>leave him</div><div><br></div><div>make false promises</div><div><br></div><div>he felt incapable of loving</div><div><br></div><div>incapable of trying</div><div><br></div><div>and before he twisted the knob to seize the cold water from flowing, the last words the came out of his mouth were: </div><div><br></div><div><i>"dont wish me happiness because I am not happy. I hope you can see what you have done to me, what you have done to the person you love. I hope you're happy</i>."</div><div><br></div></div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4621193063569548350.post-45448534374953996102016-04-04T23:41:00.001-07:002016-04-04T23:41:36.258-07:00He said sorry too often.<div>He apologized for apologizing too much.</div><div>He said sorry like it was a greeting.</div><div>He apologized for everything that goes wrong</div><div>Because he labelled himself as a disaster.</div><div>He was sorry for not being good enough</div><div>Because no one ever told him he was good enough.</div><div>No one ever told him that he was something more than the mess inside his head and the tsunami in his heart.</div><div>So all he learned was to apologize for every single breath he took.</div>Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05269209431294370537noreply@blogger.com1