My Autumn

I have abandoned hope a long time ago. 

The thought of loving and being loved,to me, are nothing but scars from my withered past. I have scoured my heart with every jot of thought that may evoke such feeling. 

For two years my doors remained shut and my soul isolated, basking in the cold, deep in the blinding darkness, groping for answers that may detest the validity of love. strangers have tried to shed light and drive the shadows of doubt away. but as the days passed their tenacity to relive my heart, like the sun sinks below the horizon as darkness crept in, waned. 

I have always written, with intense ardor, stories that tell wonders of finding one's other half and people admired me for it. I guess it's true that adept writers are experts in faking emotions. My readers have lost themselves in reading my works yet they do not know that the words used to forge such artifice were pulled out from nothingness and that the heart of the writer himself is iced. 

I read books. I became more clever and cunning. I familiarized myself with knowledge from people who survived their heartbreaks so that I may heal and never engage in such foolishness. I was neither sad nor happy, I was deprived of emotions. everything was black and white. i could see the flowers, the cloudless sky, the tiny pebbles beneath my feet and the faceless crowd that swarms around me but that's all. 

everyday I woke up, wishing I died. 

and then you came. 

you. you, a stranger, who through my eyes of shattered dreams and promises, emerged. 

you, who everyday, with even just a simple hi, has made my heart skip a beat. 

you, who, as the days went by, have searched and pieced together every missing fragment of my heart. 

you, who spoiled me with countless wonderful things, have brought tears of inconceivable joy, happiness I thought I would never feel again. 

you, who promised a love that grows each passing day, made me wake up every morning, teeming with enthusiasm to strive to become a better person. you wiped away every doubt. you restored hope. 

you revived my heart. you're everything I could ever ask for, you are my autumn, and the love of my life.  

i love you 

i love us 

happy 3rd month