Realizations

it's been roughly four months since my whole world collapsed.

"try to do other things, that'll keep your mind off the breakup." they said. 

"other things"

I decided to sign up for the nearest gym at my place. The trainer asked what my motivation was, I kept silent. The sessions were amazing. I felt my muscles grew as I endured the aching each passing day. 

The trainer told me to refrain from eating junk foods so I did my groceries this month and filled my cart with fruits, vegetables, brown bread and cereals.

I felt like a legit grown up planning my meals, watching youtube tutorials and actually cooking them. 

I was a whole new person because of everything that's kept me busy these past few weeks. I mean, I have a completely organized closet, I bought a rice cooker and a juicer, a cooking set and well, a little shopping. 

Focusing on the "other things" really did help me a lot. 

and then there comes the toughest part: acceptance. 

accepting that he is already happy and will never come back to me is one thing but accepting things that deal with my personal self is another.

i will never be good enough.

I said it and I somehow pity myself for feeling that way but it's the truth and I just have to live with that.

I'm not worth keeping.

...because after a specific timeframe, people will realize that there's a better person out there and similar to what always happens, they leave and choose the other.

and because of this I have decided to give my heart to someone: myself.

I'll be my own savior.

I promised that I'd go to hell with them but I did not expect that they'd leave me there.