It was beautiful dream. A dream the Gods knitted to reward those who indulge in the fantasies of love.

It was a dream of happiness, 

of what might have been, 

of wild roses on the mountainside;

of me burying my nose

into the daisies you plucked for me; 

of you looking tenderly at me 

as the fragrance filled my heart.

I dreamed of us throwing pebbles by the riverbank. Filaments of light filled the waters as it reflected the sun’s spectrum. We held hands, gave a wink and in a split second, plunged into the enticing waters. Laughter roared as the warm river caressed our skin.

I dreamed of us dressed in white; exchanging vows, standing by the shore, looking deep into each other’s eyes as frozen in time. I held you closer and pressed my lips against yours. I wrapped you in my arms, swept up in a whirlwind romance.

But it was just a dream

The audible sound of a heart that shattered into pieces was so vivid that it echoed all over the room. The sheets were wet with tears. The silence was deafening. The pain was unbearable. I kept my eyes closed, struggling to journey back into deep slumber. 

But all hope was lost

I gathered enough strength to face the day's crucible. 

Towards the window I went. I saw the sun’s glow in the horizon; the spectrum it threw at the great divide. I believe the hour of my dreams had ended in the nostalgic twilight; and I closed my eyes as I sighed “I still love you.” 

For you... happy valentines

So it took me a couple of days before posting this. I'm afraid I didn't have the courage to press the PUBLISH POST button and have this as a constant reminder of what I lost. Nonetheless, happy valentines.

...

Another year given and done
I've come through, safe one more time
The days are warmer than I thought
It burns a pathway through the haze
of a thousand bird filled mornings
that would never reach your eyes

I am sitting alone tonight darling
Alone in the cold old room
and the sound of the rain
as it falls on the pane
makes darker its gathering gloom

The rain too is falling
on your picture as if washing
the dust of years and memories
that only my heart carries

caress me in my dreams
if only to soothe my awakening
Hold me in your arms as if you were beside me
cup your hands on my cheeks
and look deep into my eyes
so you could see once more
limitless and as pure as the cloudless sky
MY UNFATHOMABLE LOVE FOR YOU

I feel and see you in every tree and flower
in every drop of rain
maybe a soft breeze that wafts
gently touching my skin till I drift away

smoothe my hair with your hands
and wipe away my tears
tears of longing, regret and bereavement
I can't forget the long years
years of pain and life's crucible
but I'll always remember the minutes
minutes of tenderness and care
that soothed the agony of your absence

...

A story to tell

I know, I know, it's been weeks and my absence here in the blogsphere was a clear violation of my new year's resolution (to blog at least once a week). Aside from school kasi, I've been very busy teaching dance. Btw, this ain't one of my usual posts na seryoso, matalinhaga and stuff.

If you're a medtech student, you can definitely relate. There's this annual event where MT students gather for uhh pageant, seminar, singing and talent competitions (like a HS intramurals).

What pressured me the most was the fact that me and my team were informed about the dance contest 5 days before the event! I was like WTF?? 4 DAYS TO REHEARSE? MOTHER OF GOD (very 9gag lang).

Fuck! Our Lady of Fatima University (I know a couple of dancers from there) FEU MORAYTA (okay, mamamatay na ko, magaling lang tao don) I visited kasi the website where the list of contestants were shown, siyempre I had to check out the competition. If I'm not mistaken there were at least 15 contenders pero yung fatima and feu ang naretain ng memory ko, prolly because they're the ones na alam kong magaling talaga.

Here are my girls:

day 1



day 4



day 5, pizza muna habang hinihintay magstart ang competition



and then, after 2 hours of waiting, nakasayaw na sila.. and ang result..
























2ND PLACE :)



sorry pero proud na proud lang ako. I mean, 2nd place in 4 days?? grabe! Ang mas grabe pa eh na cut yung music namin, the incompetent sound guy thought that I was kidding when I said "hihinto talaga yung music niyan sa bandang dulo".

Kung babalikan yung day 1 ng practice, wala silang SWAGUUH walang confidence tapos on the competition day mapapanuod mo sila na hinihiyawan ng mga tao, character kung character sa stage GAWD!! Sinong hindi magiging proud diba?

Being a choreographer really isn't all about the money. Watching your kids perform on stage and realizing that somehow you've been a significant part of their growth is priceless.

Here's the video pala. Thanks for reading folks! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2lF2bTK2FQ

What if?

“’What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. -Letters to Juliet”

It was unreal, but it was happening

and he tried so hard to resist him and his charm

because he knew it was too good to be true

he was filled with longings

longings he buried in a deep abyss

longings he should have forgotten long ago



01.09.12

"I used to hate you so much" / I'm glad we're friends again

"I'm sorry"

"I really loved you" / seeing you now brings this familiar feeling

"..."

"Did you love me? Those sweet things you said, the appreciation, the love, the concern, were those real?"

He held a bottle of hot sauce

Oo, kasing init nito. Actually, dapat makikipagbreak na ako sa boyfriend ko, para sa'yo

"Ah, I see" / They why didn't you leave him? I ignored the f*cking pain! I became a sucker who waited six long months for you! Why didn't you leave him? WHY?!

"Tingin mo ba kung naging tayo noon, tayo parin hanggang ngayon?

"... I don't know" / YES! Sobrang mahal kita, it would have been a fairy tale, a dream come true!

"Just forget about it, ang importante ngayon friends na tayo"

"oo tama... magkaibigan" / kalimutan ang lahat... wish it was that easy


...

Liham ng isang pusong napopoot.

"Hindi ka para sa akin, ayoko na!"

Every minute I stare at you my heart breaks.
From start to finish thoughts of you bring torment,
wrecking my spirit,
turning my hope into specks.
You are far from comprehension,
far from reach.

As my feet remain planted on the ground
there you are up in the heavens
hovering over my head
mocking my wits
shaming my pride
I despise you

Have I not exerted effort?
were my attempts too feeble?
I gave you the best gold
you gave me filthy rags
I gave you time
you spare not one minute
I spit on you

I thought what we had was special
I thought you and I could get along splendidly
I was wrong
I was very wrong
Depart from me
Be gone elsewhere
I hate you

Hindi ka para sa akin, ayoko na!

Stupid polynomials! noong bata ako numbers lang ang minumultiply bakit ngayon pati letters?! While taking our quiz after the short discussion, I kinda peeked into my seatmate's paper and I'm like "hala, bakit ang haba ng sagot niya". As expected, mine was wrong. Damn it! just when I thought I completely understood everything. I hate you math.

Bring it on 2012!

2011 has been a painful year. Don't worry, I won't go through every sorrowful detail I mean, I don't want to bore you readers with all my sob stories. To keep it concise, 2011 for me, was a year of betrayal. I struggled with agony from January up to the very last days of December.

Still, I am thankful. I am thankful for the lessons the past year has taught me, thankful to the people who were always with me in those dire times.



2012 promises nothing but uncertainty. However, there is one thing I'm sure of... I am STRONGER NOW.

BTW I have 5 vows for 2012.

1. Update my blog regularly (at least once a week)
2. Read more books
3. Attend dance classes
4. Gain weight
5. STAY POSITIVE

THE 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

It's been a long while since the last time I posted anything here on my blog. I am a bit uncertain if this post I have come up with still falls under the category of creative writing since most of the words used in here are quite shallow. I can't help but feel that my brain cells have deteriorated in my many months of not writing. Nonetheless, these words came from my heart and are therefore worthy of posting. My apologies for the vulgar content.

---

PUTANGINAMO HAYUP KA PINAASA MO KO!

---

The 10 Things

1. YOU SLEEP TOO EARLY

9pm pa lang pero puro goodnight texts na ang natatanggap ko from you. Ano to may bedtime? elementary? It's actually pretty hard to believe a 19yo na may ganitong keme pa. I have been filled with speculations na 9pm onwards is your quality time with (insert name of boyfriend here) oo, i don't want to mention his name! Of course, I never had the courage to ask, I'm not even in the position to ask ... and even if I were, I wouldn't dare, baka hindi ko lang magustuhan ung sagot.

2. YOU'RE TOO SWEET

Bakit kelangan may hugs and :* ang mga texts mo? why do you make sleep on your shoulder/lap? why are you so irresistibly sweet kung sabi mo nga FRIENDS lang tayo? Naiinis ako kasi I can't help but assume na we're more than friends dahil sa mga ginagawa mo. Alam mong may gusto ako sa'yo, alam nating may gusto ka rin sakin at higit sa lahat alam nating may boyfriend ka na pero bakit ganito parin? ano to? paasa?? why do you have to be such a tease? Oo, masaya siya.. nakakakilig e pero what's the use kung at the end of the day all I do is cry? I cry because the hugs and kisses saved on my inbox are constant reminders of someone I can never have.

3. YOU MAKE ME DO STUPID THINGS

I cut class (sometimes) I wait for almost 3 hours prior to your dismissal, gumigising ako ng sobrang aga kahit afternoon pa ang classes ko para lang makasabay ka. Okay, I know you never asked me to do these things pero can't you see?? I am this crazy just to be with you!

4. I'M THE BEST WHEN I'M WITH YOU

Next to my bestfriend, ikaw yung tao na sobrang comfortable akong kasama. I can be myself... no masks, no pretenses. There's genuine happiness every time I'm with you. Ang sakit kasi we both know na hindi na babalik yung dati.

5. YOU'RE INSENSITIVE

There was this time na you were planning to go to ***** and I asked if I could come along. "hindi pwede, magkikita kasi kami ng boyfriend ko"I was like... PUTANGINA! alam kong hindi naman tayo pero sana cinonsider mo man lang na masakit marinig yun on my part tutal alam mo namang may gusto ako sa'yo diba? SANA NAGSINUNGALING KA NA LANG! Eh yung mga panahon na I'm hanging out with your friends tapos sasabihin mong "guys, punta kayo sa birthday ni boyfriend ha" my god! sadya ba yon? ... pero sige, wala akong karapatan magreklamo, ginusto ko to e.

6. YOU MAKE IT SEEM TOO EASY

When I decided to end everything between us ( as if there really was something to end ) hindi basta basta yun! I had to gather all my courage and face the fact that YOU can NEVER be MINE. Do you have any idea how it feels na pigilan yung sarili mo from doing the things na nakasanayan na like texting you and exchanging sweet nothings? IT'S FUCKING HARD!

"Grabe ka wala ka man lang talagang reply sa mga texts ko or kaya paramdam ganito ganyan tapos puro okay lang yung sagot mo kanina." are you serious? tingin mo ba madali lang yung pagpipigil na ginawa ko? of course not! I had to control myself dahil pag nag give in nanaman ako, iiyak at iiyak lang ako.

7. YOU'RE SELF-CENTERED

Remember the time na tiniis kong hindi kita itext? nagalit ka diba pero nung nagalit ka hindi ko kinaya... hindi kita natiis kaya NAGREPLY AKO. I was drunk that time pero nilakad ko yung main road para lang maghanap ng loading station just so I can call and make sure you're okay. We went to school together that morning dinedma mo ko, hindi mo ko kinakausap YOU MADE ME LOOK STUPID and what was your reason? kasi gusto mong magalit ako sayo? kasi gusto mong maramdaman ko yung feeling na hindi kinakausap? BULLSHIT! Why do you need to get even? Hindi pa ba enough yung texts and failed call attempts ko? Was there ever a time na gumanti ako when all you do was hurt me? tell me! was there ever a time?

8. YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME

And that's just one fucking thing I don't wanna talk about.

9. YOU ACT AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED

You still call and text at nageexpect ka pa ng reply. Bakit ganon? ayoko na nga diba? ayaw na kitang kausapin. If you can't love me, will you at least help me move on?!

10. NAKAKAMISS KA

There! I admit it! I miss everything! Your scent, your witty humor, your cold sarcastic jokes... pero tama na. Enough is enough. I should stop feeding this emotion. I assume hindi ka mahihirapan magmove on dahil you're with someone na and I don't want to be the kawawa being left behind.