MIDNIGHT TOMATORANT

The first guy I ever truly loved, was Kenneth. 




He really wasn't the tall, bookworm, good looking grammar nazi that I've always dreamed of. He was rather short, button nose, kinky hair, has a very weird set of mannerisms and a terrible grammar. 

but

I loved him.

I loved him dearly.

when he left me

when he spewt those knife-like words from his mouth

"i dont remember telling you that i love you"

i saw, through my tears of pain and sorrow,  my entire world collapsing in front of him

he didn't just break me

he completely destroyed me

waking up and facing the day was a tedious task for me. 

every where i looked, every tree, every flower, every drop of rain, every love song... everything around me evoked images of him. 

it broke me even more.  

i remember visiting his social media accounts everyday. checking if a guy has already replaced the little space that was left for me in his heart. 

it wasn't long until i saw a picture of them.

i was in a friend's party when i saw it.

the ipad i was using almost slipped from my hands as they shook.

i felt a heavy blow in my chest and everything around me just faded.

there was quick flashback

a collection of our blissful memoirs began to reel in my head.

the pain was unbearable 

i just wanted to die then and there

it was as if all the inspiration i used to write and choreograph beautifully were lies.

i was bitter.

i felt helpless.

i did not want to have anything to do with love anymore.








until I met Robert.









this guy...

man, i dont even know where to begin.

the butterflies i had in my tummy whenever we'd talk 6 months ago are still the same ones fluttering inside every time i hear him call me "love" or "baby".

never in my life have i met someone who is so witty, caring, protective, mature, funny and gwapo (fine, there I said it) all at the same time. 

just when i thought i would never engage in relationships again

this 6ft tall smart mouth who is all but love, swept me off my feet.

ive never felt so important, so loved, loved with a love that would bring me tears because it overflows.  

my heart has been filled with endless wonder ever since i met him.

sure there were testing times, but those are incomparable to the joy of seeing him smile at me with those puppy dog eyes.

i've already written a couple of love letters for him but every time I get the fuel to write again, it's as if I am writing to him for the very first time. 

I melt

I just do

all the time

when I'm with him, I grow as a person. I learn new things and it's evident that we grow together. 





now I understand...





and I want to thank you kenneth for letting me go.

because if you didn't...

i would've never met this amazing person whom i want to spend the rest of my life with. 

Robert Gabriel,  I am truly, madly and deeply in love with you.