Changes

Pain changes people they said.

... well, i feel myself changing and i love it.

A week ago my ex bestfriend here in dubai tried to reach out

One night, I woke up and saw a notification on my phone saying that I had missed a call from him which then was followed by a message on instagram saying "Eli, call me."

If i was my old, emotionally unstable self, I'm pretty sure that I wouldve ran outside the room where the signal is good and called him right away.

but i didn't.

a few days later our common friend called me and asked to grab a few drinks, I missed him so I said yes. When he mentioned that he's tagging along all I said was "nope, I'll see youbsome other time." "but you guys are bestfriends right?" he insisted, "nope" i replied.

it feels so damn good to not give a fuck.

some boys whom I was talking to back in  February, I think, are still consistent in asking me out. I kept talking to them over the past few months in hopes that it would help me remain distracted to constantly checking my ex as I continued  with the healing process.

i remember getting sad when the responses i get from them were shot and shallow. 

when I uploaded a picture of me at the gym, these dumb dumbs started messaging me again and my response to all six of them consisted of five words: "ew, dont talk to me."

it feels so AMAZING to finally have the strength to say NO, to be able to stand my ground. Call it hard-hearted i dont care but i will not let anyone fuck with me.

I may never find true love again but I've learned to put myself first and that, I believe, is the best form of love.