Saturday, August 20, 2011


It's been a long while since the last time I posted anything here on my blog. I am a bit uncertain if this post I have come up with still falls under the category of creative writing since most of the words used in here are quite shallow. I can't help but feel that my brain cells have deteriorated in my many months of not writing. Nonetheless, these words came from my heart and are therefore worthy of posting. My apologies for the vulgar content.




The 10 Things

9pm pa lang pero puro goodnight texts na ang natatanggap ko from you. Ano to may bedtime? elementary? It's actually pretty hard to believe a 19yo na may ganitong keme pa. I have been filled with speculations na 9pm onwards is your quality time with (insert name of boyfriend here) oo, i don't want to mention his name! Of course, I never had the courage to ask, I'm not even in the position to ask ... and even if I were, I wouldn't dare, baka hindi ko lang magustuhan ung sagot.

Bakit kelangan may hugs and :* ang mga texts mo? why do you make sleep on your shoulder/lap? why are you so irresistibly sweet kung sabi mo nga FRIENDS lang tayo? Naiinis ako kasi I can't help but assume na we're more than friends dahil sa mga ginagawa mo. Alam mong may gusto ako sa'yo, alam nating may gusto ka rin sakin at higit sa lahat alam nating may boyfriend ka na pero bakit ganito parin? ano to? paasa?? why do you have to be such a tease? Oo, masaya siya.. nakakakilig e pero what's the use kung at the end of the day all I do is cry? I cry because the hugs and kisses saved on my inbox are constant reminders of someone I can never have.

I cut class (sometimes) I wait for almost 3 hours prior to your dismissal, gumigising ako ng sobrang aga kahit afternoon pa ang classes ko para lang makasabay ka. Okay, I know you never asked me to do these things pero can't you see?? I am this crazy just to be with you!

Next to my bestfriend, ikaw yung tao na sobrang comfortable akong kasama. I can be myself... no masks, no pretenses. There's genuine happiness every time I'm with you. Ang sakit kasi we both know na hindi na babalik yung dati.

There was this time na you were planning to go to ***** and I asked if I could come along. "hindi pwede, magkikita kasi kami ng boyfriend ko"I was like... PUTANGINA! alam kong hindi naman tayo pero sana cinonsider mo man lang na masakit marinig yun on my part tutal alam mo namang may gusto ako sa'yo diba? SANA NAGSINUNGALING KA NA LANG! Eh yung mga panahon na I'm hanging out with your friends tapos sasabihin mong "guys, punta kayo sa birthday ni boyfriend ha" my god! sadya ba yon? ... pero sige, wala akong karapatan magreklamo, ginusto ko to e.

When I decided to end everything between us ( as if there really was something to end ) hindi basta basta yun! I had to gather all my courage and face the fact that YOU can NEVER be MINE. Do you have any idea how it feels na pigilan yung sarili mo from doing the things na nakasanayan na like texting you and exchanging sweet nothings? IT'S FUCKING HARD!
"Grabe ka wala ka man lang talagang reply sa mga texts ko or kaya paramdam ganito ganyan tapos puro okay lang yung sagot mo kanina." are you serious? tingin mo ba madali lang yung pagpipigil na ginawa ko? of course not! I had to control myself dahil pag nag give in nanaman ako, iiyak at iiyak lang ako.

Remember the time na tiniis kong hindi kita itext? nagalit ka diba pero nung nagalit ka hindi ko kinaya... hindi kita natiis kaya NAGREPLY AKO. I was drunk that time pero nilakad ko yung main road para lang maghanap ng loading station just so I can call and make sure you're okay. We went to school together that morning dinedma mo ko, hindi mo ko kinakausap YOU MADE ME LOOK STUPID and what was your reason? kasi gusto mong magalit ako sayo? kasi gusto mong maramdaman ko yung feeling na hindi kinakausap? BULLSHIT! Why do you need to get even? Hindi pa ba enough yung texts and failed call attempts ko? Was there ever a time na gumanti ako when all you do was hurt me? tell me! was there ever a time?

And that's just one fucking thing I don't wanna talk about.

You still call and text at nageexpect ka pa ng reply. Bakit ganon? ayoko na nga diba? ayaw na kitang kausapin. If you can't love me, will you at least help me move on?!

There! I admit it! I miss everything! Your scent, your witty humor, your cold sarcastic jokes... pero tama na. Enough is enough. I should stop feeding this emotion. I assume hindi ka mahihirapan magmove on dahil you're with someone na and I don't want to be the kawawa being left behind.

Friday, March 11, 2011

THOUGHTS V: Tasting Love

It was in an afternoon of fall. There they were taking a stroll beneath the grandiose trees as autumn leaves fall like snowflakes on the ground. It was a portrait the boy used to paint deep within the walls of his unconscious mind. There were shades and colors every hopeless romantic would dream of laying on their canvasses. Once finished, they just stare at it, fantasizing... desperately waiting for that moment to come alive. The boy was just one of the fortunate few who had his dream come true.

"Let's jump over there" He said pointing at the pile of leaves. "You mean dive? Are you sure?" The girl replied. The boy held her hand, their fingers tight and locked. Then, with a single mischievous smile they ran towards the pile.

They ended up lying on the dirt side by side. They laughed their hearts out as they watch dry leaves fly everywhere. "You should have the seen the look on your face" The boy said. Laughter roared even more! As it seized he turned to her, their faces a breath away. He just stared at her. She wore a face of perfection, a marvel, a sight he only used behold from a distance, a figure he used to steal glimpses of. Now, there he lays, only courage away from a kiss. He was speechless. It's as if he was robbed of all the flamboyant words he knows.

"Do you love me" The boy blurted out. The girl cupped her hands on his cheeks "Listen to me" The girl said "I know you're gifted and all, dancing, writing and all those stuff but believe me when I tell you that even if you couldn't dance or write anything fancy I'd still love you" The boy remained silent. Nothing was heard from him except for the audible sound of his heartbeat. "All that time you remained aloof, hushed, doing nothing but wait and watch I was waiting for you. Now you're here... with me... together...." As they remain sitting underneath the shades, the boy started painting new pictures in his head. Pictures that somehow depict a new chapter in their story. Pictures that are full of color, full of life, hope and love. Then and there he knew, looking deep in her eyes, that beyond any shadow of doubt... she is the one he would like to spend eternity with.

..."I've been saving love songs and lullabies, and there's so much more no one's ever heard before. Something's telling me it might be you, all of my life"