Tuesday, April 28, 2009

New Faces.

So many people, so many words and so many promises.

Lately I was in the middle of nowhere full of hatred and sadness. I was abandoned like a kitten on a dark and cold alley by those who I truly value. I was deserted in an unfamiliar and unwanted place by my dearest companions, sitting in the darkest and wettest corner of an alley as rain pours upon my head.

I struggled for survival. Every night I'd lie awake, my eyes overflowing with tears as I hear the chant of my sorrowful echo; "I am strong" Crying even more as my mind attempts to destroy dreadful thoughts, images of those blissful memories that are hard to forget.

If only they know how miserable I've become. If only they know that because of them I became afraid to love, afraid to trust not only me but everyone around me. That I became afraid to trust and cautious to make friends

Now my wounds are starting to mend. The pictures are slowly being washed away from my memory making way for new images in my album. Cries are turning to smiles as the rain cleanses the dirt preparing me for a new chapter in my life.

Now I find myself surrounded by so many people. People with new faces and new personalities.

"Nandito lng ako pag may problema ka"
"Ako, kami, makikinig kami sa'yo"
"Andito naman kami eh"

So many voices, so many words and so many promises. I could still remember the same people who said those words and are now out of my life. I am still afraid to trust in fact, I'm afraid to even try. I don't know if the lips that uttered these words are sincere or just trying to make me feel better. Will they make my dull life colorful? Will they stay?


I'm left with so many questions

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I hate you.

There was no sound in the room.
The blinding darkness spilled all over the scene.
The chilly winds were absent, gone with all the giggles and smiles.

He sat in the corner, crying
In his hand was a picture of his friend
A pretty young girl; long smooth hair, joyful smile
braced teeth, a bit chubby but cute,

Sweat rolls down his forehead every time the clock ticks
And as every minute pass, every blissful memory that appears
his grip of the picture tightens.

His clutches were on the image
His nails were clawing and scratching the surface
ripping all the colors out of the picture
There were sweat, tears and blood
And again, as every moment pass, the tighter his grip becomes

He remained sitting
hugging his knees with his arms
cradling himself to sleep
to shut his eyes that are out of tears
He wanted to rest
But he couldn't

He stares at the picture with unfathomable anger
He's betrayed
He's abandoned
He felt manipulated
He felt forsaken

If only words could define his anger
If only someone would sit with him and listen
If only his friend would explain herself

Friday, April 3, 2009

a letter

Your face is still fresh in my memory
Like the first glimpse of a blooming flower in the beginning of spring
Your voice is still remembered by my ears
So lovely, just like the captivating psalms of David; alive and everlasting

Every minute of everyday I think of you
From dusk to dawn, sunrise till sunset
Yours is the magnificent voice that wakes my spirit up
the same voice, a soothing lullaby that cradles me to bed

Speak to me again oh my guiding star
Please do not conceal yourself from the clouds
See how I endure this unbearable crucible without you
Witness the overflowing tears rolling down my cheeks
falling on our picture
as if gently washing all our years and memories

My confidante, I never thought I'd lose you
Your eyes utter goodbyes and your actions speak rejection
What have I done for you to treat me this way?
Speak to me before it's too late
Are you still a friend or are you now a foe?

I wish I could hold you in my arms
As I do in my dreams
But while dreams fade away
My heart yearns for you.