Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
alone he sat in the corner
running his palm on his chest
on withered scars that cover his heart
he remembered them sweet words vividly
what he said about love
about its wonders
about gliding through wheat fields
about lazy mornings
and skinny dipping in the ocean
he reread the poems
the little things
he hated it
you never leave the person you love
how can you abandon love?
eyes shut, he gently whispered
to forever close his doors
to shut people away
because everyone will leave eventually
and words, no matter how shiny they are
will lose its lustre when trials come
so he swore
with the remaining fragments of his heart on his clutches
to NEVER engage in love again
is nothing more
than an illusion
and a trap of wonderful promises
I know you're happy and I hope you always get what you deserve. I hope you fulfill your dreams and I wish I am there to chase them with you. I'm afraid you are the last person I will ever love.
I'm not okay yet but I will be eventually, because in the end, you having found happiness is what matters...
Though I'm not going to lie, deep in the subconscious part of my head is a spark of hope wishing that one day we will be together or maybe you having found the stregnth to give us another chance.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
he's a writer
his words were warm and inviting; it thawed my frozen heart
they were sweet as honey
beautiful like summertime butterflies fluttering in the air
i was but a sad, broken hearted boy who needed saving and his timing was impeccable.
"stop holding back, show me the real you, the one you never show to anybody and i will show you real love."
"i want to be your bestfriend, your lover, your everything."
and it went on
"thats the beauty of loving someone who's broken kasi it's like you saved him"
i didnt need you, i never did but i took the risk because i trusted you.
"im half awake and im not sure if im typing this correctly..." he wrote "but if i have to whisper one last sentence, it would be: you're my everything"
"i want to be the one to make you feel all kinds of emotions."
your love, got me singing, got me doing things unimaginable.
it drove away the hurt, the loneliness, the past. i felt alive.
"this is hard but i will be damned before i let this ship fall, i love you so much elijah, i will never give up on you, im not going anywhere."
and then everything changed...
"he's caught my attention..."
"i dont know if this is worth it anymore..."
"i need time to think..."
"i dont think i can do this..."
i was a wreck, i was weak but i had to be strong and fight for what we started.
"im ending things with you elijah, i cannot handle this baggage, this relationship is slowing me down."
like taking knives and slowly stabbing my already broken heart, i kept rereading your messages.
rereading them while, at the same time, listening to your songs and reading the poems youve written for me.
my heart was drowning in a sea of inexpressible sorrow, i could not breathe.
you took your mask off, showed me all the skeletons in your closet and unveiled your book. it was difficult but i accepted them all and stayed.
someone came along and caught your attention.
i brushed it off
and instead, trusted in your love
i trusted your words
i trusted you
you picked my heart up only to piece it together and throw it against a wall.
ang sakit naman nito
i guess i was right, i will never be good enough; i will never be worth keeping.
it was nice meeting you, shamsi.
he refused to stitch his heart up and slept with the cuts open. he hoped that by dawn, every single emotion would have flowed out from the wounds thus, waking up numb.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Saturday, May 21, 2016
he hated his concept of love
he despised yet took pride of it at the same time
it was a love that kept no record of wrongs
a true one
a persevering one
one that chooses to see past the shortcomings
one that loves even when the person is unlovable
to some it was unhealthy
to him it was the perfect gift
or perhaps a curse
he loathed himself for always caring
for enduring the beating
he believed that the only time you will let go
is when the love is gone
that strength is measured
and not by taking the easy way out
he detested his ideals
his strength is an abomination
*grabs feelings and crushes it with bare hands
he wished for numbness
Saturday, May 7, 2016
he remained silent
he was the type who never speak unless spoken to
he just sat there by the window
the moon's pulsating beam illuminated his curled up body
the cool evening breeze caressed his skin
everything else was pitch black
nothing can be heard except for his soft, muffled sobs resonating across the walls.
memories were relived
wounds were reopened
so much pain
regret and bereavement
he grew desperate
desperate to free himself from the clutches of fear
but he had lost his strength
he was fragile and vulnerable
so he just sat there
in the dark
"i dont know if this is worth it."
and waited till the pain fades away.
because, really, there's nothing he can do
and maybe he will be never worth it anyway