Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Twilight

5:10am
They looked at him with inquisitive eyes; waiting for a spark that would illuminate the depths of his soul.

"If you really did love him, why didn't you fight for him? why didn't you beg when he decided to leave?"

He took a deep breath, leaned back and puffed his last cigarette as he veered away and threw his gaze up the starless sky; subtly attempting to recollect the events that transpired about two years ago.

"you know..." he felt a sudden pang in his heart as the words reluctantly escaped his lips -a dull pain which he managed to conceal behind a casual smirk.

"wouldn't it be selfish if you force someone to stay and love you kahit na hindi ka na nila kayang mahalin?"

"kasi diba..." They watched his pupils dilate -a subconscious sign of readiness of love yet through them they saw defeat and emptiness. Love and sorrow -it was a paradox in its cruelest form. "kapag mahal mo, dapat kung saan siya sasaya?"

He noticed the quizzical expression on their faces. "was the feeling suicidal?" They both asked.

 In a swift second, he once again plunged into the maggot broth of forlorn memories. "masakit..." He whispered. "na kahit  ikamatay ko pa, kung sa paraang iyon ay mabubuhay siya..." he paused and let out an insignificant breath "magpapakamatay na lang ako."

"do you still..." They hesitated. Both of his friends knew the severity of their question

His vigorous love for him has stood the passage of time. It was the kind of love that was silent and self-sacrificing yet unrelenting. The seventh wonder of the world, his sun and moon, the love of his life, his habibi, will never come back and with that he is certain. Be that as it may, he still made an irrevocable decision to keep loving until the last teardrop falls; until the next phase of the moon, until the dying embers in his heart burn out.

5:59am
He saw the colors of the sun's glow in the horizon; the spectrum it threw at the great divide. The evening had ended in a nostalgic twilight. And through his eyes of perpetual sorrow, he looked at his friends..


"yes, i still do."

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Choices

So that is how it feels like... to hear the person you love weep over the man he had replaced you with. 

Like unsharpened knives cutting your heart open, its dull edges prolonging the process inflicting more pain and suffering.

Blood gushes each passing moment, every sob takes the blade deeper.

You stay and endure the ache
just so his heart and soul wouldn't break

His tears eventually lulls him to sleep
and you, you my friend, will be nothing more but a mere sponge who willingly absorbed his burden out of sheer stupidity.


Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy New Year

he was drowning
in his own tears
of unending sorrow
his muffled screams 
unheard by the people
celebrating the new year
he was alone
empty
lifeless

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

random

"From time to time, Paige went out with doctors from the hospital, but she refused to get romantically involved with any of them. Alfred Turner had hurt her too deeply, and she was determined never to go through that again."

-S.Sheldon, Nothing Lasts Forever

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

isolation

He yearned for long drives
for lazy mornings and warm nights

he longed for slow dances 
underneath the black, moonlit canvas
to the rhythm of unspoken vows
of eternal love and fidelity

he craved for petty quarrels
that blossomed into fierce love making  
which left nothing but gentle kisses
and intertwined souls caressed by the cold autumn breeze

he dreamed of discovering new worlds
exploring cities
getting lost in a labyrinth strangers and skyscrapers
unafraid of wandering too far
for you, his home, is with him.

but just as dreams dissolve at the crack of dawn
so did his
he looked in the mirror and saw the void on his chest
the nothingness that engulfed the remaining fragments of his heart
"the pain is debilitating" he thought

he retreated into an emotional fortress where no one could touch him again.

Monday, November 7, 2016

11/4/16

May all your dreams come true

Sunday, September 11, 2016

insignificant sighs

Nine months have already passed

I can still feel the pain

one wrong picture

one wrong song

evoke forlorn memories

that lurk deep in the crevices 

of my flimsy heart

____

maybe they're right

i am but a soul that needs saving

a new love

a spark of hope

but hope

like love

is something I have abandoned

just as how i was abandoned


***