Monday, October 5, 2009

Words from the heart


A soft breeze wafts on my cheeks
caressing me softly and lovingly
and thoughts of you came racing
soon upon my awakening

Sing to me my beloved
I always long for your tender voice
a serenading song, a soothing lullaby
so irresistible, so you

I keep falling in love with you
every minute of every day
sunrise till' sunset, dusk till' dawn
my love, my darling
my calm waters and my woodland dove
your love is more than enough
is everything that my soul ever longed for

Cup your hands into my cheeks
and look deep into my eyes
so you could see once more
like an inexpressive bliss
like an inconceivable ecstasy
my unfathomable love for you

photo from ireneshpak

Monday, August 24, 2009

A letter of longing

To that someone who will never be replaced,

I sat beneath the star-spangled sky watching you. You're laughing with your friends, cracking silly jokes with joy written all over your face. You're happy indeed and indeed you've missed them.
It's been a long time since you have left. I missed your laughter, those eyes of yours that held all the beauty in the world and our moments, such memories filled with endless wonder. We could have died of happiness, or at least I could have.

Now you're back. Truly my prayers have been answered, that those long cold nights of crying were not in vain. It's sad though, how you forgot about me, how you ignored my presence, how I had to steal glimpses of you, how I sit here, here under this thick, moonless, black canvass craving for your attention.

I guess I have no more room in your heart. I guess all the roles in your little theater show have already been taken, that happiness is only a state of mind, a phony dream, a trap of wonderful promises. Still, I'll leave a space for you in my heart, in case you'll need me, in case you'll return.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Catching a breath

Everything is happening too fast...

Time was utterly swift
It was unnoticeable
The winds came
it carried our memories
as it passes
You're all grown up now

You've moved on
Yet here I remain
Sitting under the stars
couldn't resist
the temptation
of the past
sitting here...
Trying to taste the good times
Trying to feel how it was like

I've been vain and bitter
my mouth became an open grave
it wanted to devour you

to ruin you
to make you miserable
to make you experience
the crucible I endured
the loneliness I overcame
the sorrowful cries in my soul

my heart turned into stone
afraid to trust
afraid to love

Now, God has healed me
God has mended my wounded heart
Now, there are people waiting for me
people spending time listening to my stories
people sparing attention sharing my burdens
people who remind me that life after all is beautiful

Still I wonder where you are
are there people caring for you
are they listening to you

are they being true to you
even when I am unkind
behind this mask
lies a heart longing for you
New friends you now have
New faces, new character
I too have come far
New companions I also have
But I swear I think of you
and how I wish you knew
That amidst the hundreds of stars in my life
your star remains bright.

Monday, June 15, 2009

A Story of love and friendship.

They were the best of friends but now it's as if they never crossed each other's path

They've been friends for quite a long time. The girl would always sing songs to the guy while in return the guy would compose dozens of poems. Every single word is infused with unfathomable passion and as every ink spills, so does yearning and love. Hers is the sweet voice that awakens the boy from deep slumber and the one, a soothing lullaby that cradles him to bed. There is no storm to intense for them to endure, no mountain too high for them to reach and no problem too big for them to overcome.
Their hands were held and their fingers locked as they walked through life. They became the light to each other's path, the strength for every weakness and the smile for every tear. Their love was far more sweeter than the sweetest honey, higher than the limitless heavens and deeper than the deepest ocean. The finest words could never portray the strong friendship that encloses them.

One day the boy asked: "would there be a chance that you fall in love with me?" "of course" the girl replied. The sweet exchange of words continued as new chapters of their lives began unfolding. It was the time to flip the coin and take a glimpse on the other side. A once pleasant friendship became a passionate romance. They were so engrossed into each other, engulfed by the warmth of the love they shared. They were immersed in the depths of each other's heart, so in love that they could write books about their love. As their eyes meet, seconds turned hours and as his lips press against the girl's the universe paused to witness such immeasurable love.

They broke up. Knife-life words spitting out from the boy's mouth piercing and wrecking the girl's heart apart. She was emotionally battered. In fact, both of them were for none of them thought this would have happened. None of them desired to put an end to their grandiose story. The sun hid behind the shadows of the clouds as lightning flashed across the sky. A few moments have passed and the heavens began pouring out its tears. The bright picture was filled with shades of agony. They embraced for the very last time whispering cold and unbearable words of goodbye

A couple of sunsets have passed yet the boy's heart remained wounded. He found himself trapped in a cage of regrets. His heart grew weak every passing moment longing for the girl's caress. He lost more than just a lover but a best friend. The roots that were once deep were easily plucked out. For two years the boy cried over his bestfriend. Tears kept rolling down his cheeks as he stab himself with letters the girl once wrote for him. The poems that were once overflowing with inexpressive joy, poems that were filled with a vast array of colors are now dull and dead. He had to endure 2 years of unending torment.

One day the boy asked if they could once again journey together, steal blissful glimpses from the past and head towards the future together lovers or best friends it doesn't matter as long as they're together the boy would be glad. "Can't we just forget what happened and write a new chapter in our lives? Can't we just hold on to the happy memories and use it to reignite the fire in our hearts? Can't we have one last chance? Can't we?" The boy clutched the girl's arms as he cried these words. The girl turned away and said: "What happened in the past stays in the past, to be honest I don't have any feelings for you anymore." The boy shook the girl's arms and uttered: "Look me in the eyes and say you don't love me! you're my best friend, you're the one person who knows me, who knows how I feel even without saying a word, the one who can look deep into my eyes and tell me how I am doing." The girl did what the boy asked. The boy was stunned. He stood there watching helplessly as the girl walked away from him.

Their book ended with that sorrowful conversation.

They say that you don't know what you have until you lose it but I think it doesn't work that way. For me, you do know what you have, it's just that you thought you'd never lose it.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Awakening

My chains are gone, I've been set free

I stood in the middle of the pavilion with tears rolling down my cheeks. Sweat came running down my forehead as I held my arms high waiting for that heavenly touch. My heartbeat dramatically increased as dreadful images came appearing inside my head. There came flashbacks of my horrible and painful yesterday, a portion of my life when people deserted me, when heavy rains poured on my head and when blinding darkness filled my days.

My nails started clawing my flesh as my grip tightens....Yesterday... when deception and despair are my daily bread. Misery and mockery are my morning meals while bitterness and hatred were my evening delights. My teeth, chewing and savoring the deceiving sweetness of Satan's evil buffet. At the door of my lips there stood lies of all kinds. My tongue that used to praise became a cursing weapon. Indeed I was a demon without wings... a beast without a tail.

Light came shining on my dirty and miserable soul. His glory brought me to my knees as it restored my empty spirit. Like snow, every lie, every hatred, every bitterness, every chain, every bondage and every foolish thought dissolved. I remained on my knees wrapped in his loving arms, clothed with his unending grace... kneeling down under the comfort of his wings.

I saw all the time that was wasted. Times of testing that were supposed to make me a better person were gone for I chose the easy way out. I could've been so much more after overcoming those trials. Flowers really do bloom after the rain and you know what? they'll become even more beautiful once the harvester finishes the pruning process where all the thorns are gone.

I sat in the corner hugging my knees, shedding crystal tears falling on my cheeks, crying over the wasted time when a familiar voice whispered to my ear:

"I will break your heart and rebuild you again... I have loved you with an everlasting love"

From then on he made a covenant that he will NEVER turn back, NEVER run away and will ALWAYS bow down.

One thing I ask of the Lord this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple -Psalms 27:4

Monday, May 11, 2009

Teacher Elay

Children have an innate passion for stories; they are always eager to explore new worlds and reach the limit of their imagination. You can see their eyes outgrow their face as the story unfolds a new realm page by page, picture by picture, delighted by the adventures simple words bring.

I am a Sunday school teacher and story telling is what I always do. Can you imagine yourself standing in front of children for hours holding a book that you already perused hundreds of times, entertaining limitless and out of this world questions, translating complicated terms and enduring the outrageous noise?

But do you know what makes me pursue this ministry and somehow keep on accepting responsibilities? It's because if in my eyes I see twerpy, smelly little pests, in their eyes they see a dad, a teacher, a big brother, and a hero. All my heartaches and problems would fade for a moment once I see smiles painted on their faces.

To chase them around the church and get them to their seats, to distribute their snacks and play hilarious games, to sit with them and hear all their funny thoughts about life, education and their families are the precious moments I surely savor.

I love kids and I love being their "teacher Elay" I hope sooner or later I will be able to teach again.

God Bless.

I remember one time I asked the kids to draw something that would express themselves and I was so surprised and at the same time bothered to see the picture one of my 5 year old kids drew. It was a BURNING HOUSE! That's something eh?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

New Faces.

So many people, so many words and so many promises.

Lately I was in the middle of nowhere full of hatred and sadness. I was abandoned like a kitten on a dark and cold alley by those who I truly value. I was deserted in an unfamiliar and unwanted place by my dearest companions, sitting in the darkest and wettest corner of an alley as rain pours upon my head.

I struggled for survival. Every night I'd lie awake, my eyes overflowing with tears as I hear the chant of my sorrowful echo; "I am strong" Crying even more as my mind attempts to destroy dreadful thoughts, images of those blissful memories that are hard to forget.

If only they know how miserable I've become. If only they know that because of them I became afraid to love, afraid to trust not only me but everyone around me. That I became afraid to trust and cautious to make friends

Now my wounds are starting to mend. The pictures are slowly being washed away from my memory making way for new images in my album. Cries are turning to smiles as the rain cleanses the dirt preparing me for a new chapter in my life.

Now I find myself surrounded by so many people. People with new faces and new personalities.

"Nandito lng ako pag may problema ka"
"Ako, kami, makikinig kami sa'yo"
"Andito naman kami eh"

So many voices, so many words and so many promises. I could still remember the same people who said those words and are now out of my life. I am still afraid to trust in fact, I'm afraid to even try. I don't know if the lips that uttered these words are sincere or just trying to make me feel better. Will they make my dull life colorful? Will they stay?


I'm left with so many questions

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I hate you.

There was no sound in the room.
The blinding darkness spilled all over the scene.
The chilly winds were absent, gone with all the giggles and smiles.

He sat in the corner, crying
In his hand was a picture of his friend
A pretty young girl; long smooth hair, joyful smile
braced teeth, a bit chubby but cute,

Sweat rolls down his forehead every time the clock ticks
And as every minute pass, every blissful memory that appears
his grip of the picture tightens.

His clutches were on the image
His nails were clawing and scratching the surface
ripping all the colors out of the picture
There were sweat, tears and blood
And again, as every moment pass, the tighter his grip becomes

He remained sitting
hugging his knees with his arms
cradling himself to sleep
to shut his eyes that are out of tears
He wanted to rest
But he couldn't

He stares at the picture with unfathomable anger
He's betrayed
He's abandoned
He felt manipulated
He felt forsaken

If only words could define his anger
If only someone would sit with him and listen
If only his friend would explain herself

Friday, April 3, 2009

a letter

Your face is still fresh in my memory
Like the first glimpse of a blooming flower in the beginning of spring
Your voice is still remembered by my ears
So lovely, just like the captivating psalms of David; alive and everlasting

Every minute of everyday I think of you
From dusk to dawn, sunrise till sunset
Yours is the magnificent voice that wakes my spirit up
the same voice, a soothing lullaby that cradles me to bed

Speak to me again oh my guiding star
Please do not conceal yourself from the clouds
See how I endure this unbearable crucible without you
Witness the overflowing tears rolling down my cheeks
falling on our picture
as if gently washing all our years and memories

My confidante, I never thought I'd lose you
Your eyes utter goodbyes and your actions speak rejection
What have I done for you to treat me this way?
Speak to me before it's too late
Are you still a friend or are you now a foe?

I wish I could hold you in my arms
As I do in my dreams
But while dreams fade away
My heart yearns for you.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Down the memory lane

"How could I let them go? How long should I hold on? They're my life, they're everything to me, I value them so much!"

It was a dream. I was wandering around the walls of a city walking on the concrete road bare feet and in pajamas. It was odd that there was nobody living in there, no sound of human interactions just the chilly winds pushing and pulling the sturdy trees. I hugged myself and struggled for warmth for the atmosphere grew awfully cold. There were no lights except for rusty old lamp posts along the alley. The panorama was engulfed in thick gray-dull and dead. The blue skies were gray and dark as if brewing a storm. The green grass and the rainbow painted flowers were as dark as the skies as if these living things were robbed of all the bright, joyful shades. There were buildings but no residents. there were houses but no homes.

I went pass a dark and narrow alley called 'memory lane' and below its sign says: 'he who's brave enough to face truth shall find answers'.
Without second thoughts I decided to go in. The darkness of the alley as it narrows was like a bottomless abyss, preventing any light to escape its dreadful clutches. As I continued walking, I began to have an eerie feeling that the walls were somehow closing in on me. Desperate to find what's on the end and terrified by an eerie feeling, I ran in panic, gasping for air, struggling to keep my balance as I ran on the wet and slippery road.

A few moments later I paused for air. It seemed that the road was infinite and that I'm trapped in a middle of nowhere. That even if I keep on running, the road will somehow extend its length. I sat and cried. A few moments passed and the brick walls started to flash images.

Every time a person would ask me if I'm okay, I'd always say YES. Yes was always my answer to those people who find interest in taking a peek in my heart, that if I say that three letter word, they'd stop and leave me alone. When I saw the images of my friends that I lost I was crushed and devastated beyond words. I sat there wrapping my knees with my arms as my eyes failed to seize the tears from falling. My eyes were overflowing with tears and in every tear were words, letters expressing pain that as it hit the ground it would emit a sorrowful echo. If a person could think of word far more than crushed, devastated, ruined and destroyed, that would be me.

It came to me that pride somehow cloaked the true condition of my soul. As the memories unveil I saw the precious pieces of my heart drowning in a bucket of unbearable sorrow that it screamed for someone to pick it up and heal it. There were some pieces missing, pieces that were taken by those who left him alone, those who entered his door and swiftly left through his window. I cried and cried and cried.

My Almighty Dad came out of nowhere. He picked the pieces of my heart with his nail scarred hands, the same hands that wiped out my tears and cupped my cheeks. He stood up in front of me, carried me then hugged me. He asked me to let them go, to let all the bitterness and sorrow flow down the drain.

"How could I let them go? How long should I hold on? They're my life, they're everything to me, I value them so much!" I replied.

"I value my son too yet I gave Him up for your sake remember?" He said.

I was left without words to say only tears. A couple of silent minutes passed then I whispered: "They left with the pieces of my heart, how can I be whole again?"

He hugged me for the second time, only this hug was tighter and more intimate. His lips were right next to my ear and whispered: "Then let me fill the empty pieces with my love... I will be here when you feel like being quiet or when you need to speak your mind. When you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need a friend or a buddy, I will be here."

I looked back on the walls flashing the images of my friends. It was painful for me to let them go... really painful. I took a stone and smash it against the wall, seconds later the images fade. As the pictures vanished so did my bitterness. My Dad hugged me again, held my hands and left.

I know it was painful to let them go and living each day with that fact is even more painful yet I know God will never make me feel alone... No... NEVER.

Monday, March 23, 2009

More than just dance.

This video is a dance number of a boy who lost his leg and a girl who lost her arm. They won first place in the annual dance competition CCTV9 international, Beijing. Regardless of their disabilities they continued to pursue their passion for dancing. May you find inspiration in their powerful piece.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

In the playground

It's when you feel alone and that nobody cares if you exist.

The sweet voices of the children I can hear, It was like an enormous swarm of bees heard and seen covering the entire place. The golden brown leaves falling from the trees, guided by the warm colors of the sun's spectrum somehow reminded me of how splendid my life was.

I sat beneath the grandiose oak tree where I once carved my dreams and happiness. The tree that witnessed every blissful moment I had, the sturdy monument that served as the library for my whole history now stands behind me singing songs I used to sing.

As I sit there I couldn't help but stare and watch those four foot tall angels giggling and running ,having fun to their heart's content. They were cracking and throwing jokes at each other, laughing like there's no tomorrow. I too have silly jokes and magical stories to tell, but how would I enjoy them when there's no one who'd sit and listen to me. I just sat there with a stick drawing faces on the dirt.

The innocent youngsters had roleplaying games. There were kings, queens, princes, princesses and warriors. The climbed the monkey bars and made a fortress, rode the seasaw and had unicorns. Me? I remained hushed in my seat kicking the leaves that piled up. I wasn't invited to their magical game but I can sure tell it's fun! Did you know that I have fascinating games too? Oh well, what would I do with these games when there's no one to play them with.

I stood up and went to sit by the swings to have my snack. I wanted to cry because no one would sit with me. There were many people around yet I don't know why somehow I felt lonely. I guess I'm just starting to miss the ones who used to played games with me.

As I sit alone waiting and praying for my playmates, I learned something: "It's not the number of people around you that determines your loneliness, it's your relationship to them."

What would you do with two hundred fifty strangers when all you need is four people?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

15th Rose

It was the night when all the heavenly bodies gathered to witness my chance of holding you again in my arms, an evening when time stood still and problems seized to exist.

I sat on my chair with a white rose on my hand. As I patiently wait, my body grew cold and my heartbeat rapidly increased. I was like a trembling criminal on a courtroom waiting for my verdict. As I remained perfectly still and hushed on my seat I stole glimpses of you; your eyes, your smile, your lips, your everything!

Finally my moment came. I stood up and walked towards you and as I give you my rose I feel my knees tremble! It felt as though no one was around... I never thought that this moment will come again. I just can't compare you with anything in this world.

There were lots of desires running around my mind as we danced; to smooth your elegant hair with my fingers, to cup my hands on your tender cheeks, to kiss those sweet lips, to stare on your ever so dazzling smile, to look deep into those mesmerizing eyes, to hug you... to hold you... forever.

As our music continues, I saw my coffin of infinite regrets surfaced. It felt like all those years I spent longing and crying for your return were just mere nightmares and that this is the point where I'll wake up. Unfortunately, what I thought was real was just made up of fantasies, thoughts and desired feelings... I guess I just 'felt' it.

I went back to my seat with teary eyes... sat there gazing upon you and your 18th dance.

"All those years I've longed to hold you in my arms, I've been dreaming of you. Every night, I've been watching all the stars that fall down, wishing you would be mine." -Side A, Forevermore

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Messages in a bottle.

I saw you an island not far away. You sat there on the shore, hugging your knees with tears rolling down your cheeks. The soft bed of sand embraces your body, trying to sustain the warmth you're longing for. The gentle ocean breeze soothes your soul, blowing all the troubles and pain away. I saw you all by yourself, a stranger with no one.

I don't know your story, I don't know why you're weeping. I wish I could help, to offer my listening ears or my trustworthy shoulders but I can't. Like you, I was devastated, tossed and turned by the devouring waves, wrestled with the rocks and ended up shattered. Like you, my heart was injured.

The waters became calm. The unbearable nightmares and dreadful visions vanished. I sent you a message, a message in a bottle floating its way to you. I wanted to sympathize with your hurts, to share your pain and to hold your hand.

A few days later you replied. It was one of those unforgettable moments when the sun shone. An unforgettable second when a stranger painted a smile on my face... a second of having hope, hope of again, experiencing laughter and joy.

We exchanged letters and surprisingly our hearts were connected. I became a brother to you, a friend and a comforter. A stood on my island taking every breath with you. Don't you think engineers from heaven designed this plan? a plan that two totally different worlds will spin together? that two strangers will discover friendship? I believe it wasn't any accident, it was fate.

Again, I stood on the shore thinking. I am uncertain of when and how this will end, of how much strength we need to face the odds but one thing is for sure; I will hold your hands as tight as I can, that even if you let go... my hands will never.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

My Long road home

The audible sound of the crowd from outside the room was vividly heard as Elijah sat silently in the utter darkness.

His eyes grew wide, barely daring to breathe, listening to the sharp, heartbreaking words from the mouths around him. Elijah seized the crystal tears from falling as he continued enduring the ache of the knife like words piercing his soul. He has carried a lot of grief and cried a lot of tears in his short existence but not like this one.

Every time an interminable silence occurs, Elijah would take a deep breath, doing his best to pull himself together as they slowly torture and wreck his spirit apart. Elijah knew better than to explain, to apologize or even to cry. To see the people he once thought as his second parents, his second brother, his second home stone him to death was indeed... excruciatingly painful.

His already two huge eyes seemed to outgrew his face as he watched the inevitable tension increase in their eyes, and with a single superhuman gesture, they battered him with words with such speed, that the air seemed to have leave Elijah's lungs.

The person whom he expected to somehow defend him just sat there and watch his spirit being tortured. There was no whimper of pain, no sound as invisible hands slapped him hard across the top of his head. To Elijah, the sound of the blows were deafening.

He walked the long road ahead of him all by himself. The flickering lamp posts guiding his way as he walk the seemingly infinite road were somehow offering him comfort. Wondering when he'll find home his eyes begin to flood with tears and as he walk there, he felt the embrace of no one but the cold February breeze.

Monday, February 9, 2009


Help, I'm drowning.

Their hands were held as they ran along the shore,
laughing and playing under the bright colors of the spectrum.
The soothing warmth of the ocean breeze
was caressing their skin as they run.
They sat together, hands still held,
feeling the gentle friction between them and the ocean waves.

They went towards the magnificent waters for a splash
The whole afternoon was blissful, filled with
laughter and smiles beyond description
They made sandcastles, collected shells and had
a little picnic.

The girl took the guy's hand
"promise me you'll love me forever"
The guy nodded... "yes"
They were a couple of inches away from the shore
They wrote their dreams and forevers on a piece of paper
Together, they folded it and made a little paper boat

All of a sudden, the sun vanished
The bright warm skies turned black
the water became cold and unbearable
The massive waves came between them
yet their hands remained intact
fingers crossed
not letting go

The girl was crying
her tears were rolling on her cheeks
her feet was struggling, fighting
the ocean that devours her
she was catching her breath
her picture was far from portrayal
She clutched the guy's hand
still not letting go.

The guy was in panic
confusion and pride consumed him
corrupted his mind
and hardened his heart
he lost his grip of the girl's hand
then swam towards the shore

The girl was stunned
her tears fell harder this time
seeing the guy whom he loved
departed from her
she cried for the guy's help
but he was on the shore now....
far from her...
The guy could've saved the girl
but he chose to wait on the shore
to wait for the waves to bring the girl back
it seemed like the ocean of agony
that tortured the innocent soul of the girl
mean nothing to him
I guessed he thought that since
the waves will bring her again
all he could do is wait
and apologize
apologize for choosing pride over her
for ignoring her tears
for unclasping her hands
for breaking his promises
for letting her go

She woke up crying...
crying because even in her dreams
the same thought of the guy leaving her
kept haunting her.

Questions left unanswered
words left unsaid
promises left unfulfilled.

In tears, She remained on her bed...

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

He continued walking.

Company by his own, he continued walking along the narrow brick road. The storm never hushed, for days it kept on pouring its inconceivable wrath.

He reached an intersection and paused for a moment. Lights were escaping from his sight as the lamp posts begin to fade, the sound of the raindrops were traveling in and out of his ears, there were no colors visible in the picture... it was dull and dead.

The fog started to clear the road. He was puzzled to see someone on the other side of the street. The storm is totally bad and there's no reason for people standing on the streets by themselves. He surely doesn't know the person's story, it was a book he never laid hands on. "What could be so wrong that this person chose to walk on a stormy night alone?" He crossed the wet and slippery street towards the person.

A couple of fireflies lit the scene as they sit under an oak tree. It was their first time to talk yet they seemed to treat each other very special. The rain poured harder and this time, they used their jackets for protection. There were confessions and stories told. They took turns in narrating their books to each other. The simple gestures of listening and opening up made the dreadful storm bearable.

They both stood up and started to walk. As they laugh and play together under the rain, he realized the smile painted on his face. He was surprised that a person so strange and so new was able to turn his frowned face to a happy one. He was uncertain of until when his new friend will stay but right now, all he wanted to do is love his friend... to love like he's never been hurt.

"holding you for the very first time, never letting go"
-To be with you, David Archuleta.

Friday, January 23, 2009


He left his umbrella, his comfort zone. He left even the umbrellas he once shared with his friends. He ran in the pouring rain to chase a friend walking away from him.

(Staring on the blank ceiling... in silent... thinking.)

Oh yes, I could still remember his overflowing love for his special friend. Pondering upon the dreams he dreamed, the laughter and sorrows they shared, everything! Sitting on the dining table, watching movies on the laptop, munching on chips and cookies and cracking jokes. The fresh memories of them dancing foolishly in front of the mirror, midnight conversations over the phone and a whole lot more. I could still recall the time when he ran out in the storm, running in the slippery streets panting for air, navigating through the storm, his feet struggling, giving everything to restore the golden chain of friendship.

He saw his friend standing on the horizon. His friend's face was gray and blurry, as usual he's wearing skinny jeans, skater shoes and a fitted shirt. "I don't want to share my umbrella with you anymore!" There! the immortal words that stabbed his heart, he was surrounded with so much noise but his voice cannot be ignored for it was very familiar! It was so unfair that he left everything to go after his friend yet ended up with nothing, oh he did end up with something; broken hopes, a broken heart and a broken spirit... blah blah... he moved on... blah blah.

They went on their separate ways. The storm's getting more furious so he went to search for his old friends and find some shelter (after all, life isn't meant to be played individually diba?). EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. He was filled with tears! He tried to seize the crystal liquids but it was useless. His huge eyes outgrew his face. The people whom he once shared umbrellas with are now comfy sharing it with new people. The roles in their little theatre show are already taken leaving him no space... no one. He still see them in his dreams, even his special friend and let me tell you it doesn't help! Those dreams left him in a cage of illusions. Like a lion, he's craving for freedom, he wanted to escape!

He was there, standing, the lamp posts guiding his way, the freezing winds caressing his skin. There's no one to hold him, no one who cares... no one.

It was hard to accept that he's alone now, but it's harder to live with it.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I chose silence.

Every time I write a blog entry, I would have to find a quiet place where I can focus and work. The deafening silence enables me to concentrate on what my mind is attempting to utter. Silence allows me to choose my words with great precision, organize my random thoughts and discover my true being.

I found myself bewildered as I stumble upon a friendster page. The page was from a very familiar person, but it wasn't him who struck me, it was his shout out. "Silence is the virtue of fools" Yes! The immortal words of Sir Francis Bacon, though centuries old, found revival in these recent cultures. Most of my friends think that I am never silent. Those who matter the most to me know that most of the time, I am.For a person like me who admires silence, I asked myself why in certain situations do I choose to keep my mouth shut.

I maintain silence every time a pray to the Almighty. For me it's quite difficult to focus on Him and listen to His words if you're the only one who'll keep babbling. There are times when it would be best to remain silent and let Him do the talking.

Well, as I have mentioned in the introduction, I love to be silent when I'm writing a blog entry blah blah.

When I do lyrical hiphop and contemporary dances, I stay hushed for a couple of minutes internalizing the lyrics of the song. In doing this, I become good in evoking emotions, eliminating the uncessary moves and executing the vital ones.

WHEN I READ! Reading has been my way of venturing and escaping to another realm. For me, my imagination would be more effective in silence.

When I try to patch things up with a foe or fixing misunderstood situations. Of couse, the 'fixing' part would work out smashingly if one would choose to keep silent and listen. "It's quite true that the more one listens, the more one is listened to! In other words, people vastly appreciate someone who actually listens to what they say." -Owlwings

Lastly, I keep silent when I'm in an argument. I'd rather choose silence because sometimes it is plain useless to argue with foolish people. Answeing and explaining to these type of humans will do nothing but drag you down their pathetic level.

Obvious naman na disagree ako sa sinabi ni Bacon! Silence is never a virtue of fools! Wisdom comes down to knowing when to speak up and when to shup up.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all the doubt."
-Abraham Lincoln.

Monday, January 12, 2009

A new horizon.

Life is too short.

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.

Laugh when you can and apologize when you should

Let go of what you can't change

Love deeply and learn how to forgive quickly

Life is too short to be unhappy

You have to take the good out of the bad

To smile when you're sad

Learn from your mistakes and never regret
People change and there's nothing you can do about it
Leave the memories as they leave you
Run the race.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Morning Coffee with the Almighty.

"It was dawn, a perfect time to meet with my Love"

The skies were serene; engulfed thick darkness, the environment was tranquil and the breeze was cool and unruffled. He fixed himself a cup of coffee, went in his room and reflected on what he has been doing.

Frustrated and tired, he's done nothing but run run run. Running from fears, running from hurts running from every single thing that will cause him in pain. Fighting for nothing, craving for nothing, working for nothing and waiting for nothing, he was mystified and misled. All these time he could have gained something dear and significant yet chose to dwell on trivial things that of no eternal upshot.

Almighty one was singing. God was singing songs that this young man's heart seem to have forgotten. Singing songs of hope and love, songs that brought a smile on his face of poignant regrets. Though this boy never departed from the living vine, he never unlocked doors of conversations regarding his hurts. He kept them buried and sealed away from the shining light for he was afraid that God wouldn't spare attention to his affliction. The boy used all the strength he had not to fall apart but unfortunately he did.

It was God's hand that took him from the ground. It was God's love that wrapped him in a cocoon of peace, love that quenched his longing every passing moment and the same love that banished the taunting and concrete shadows of the past. As the conversation went on, the boy's eyes were flooding with tears. He was drowning in inexpressive joy because of the stirring and uplifting promises God vowed. The boy was sheltered under the wings of the almighty far from the reach of painful memoirs. They were soaring on the cool starry sky with hands held and his head near God's chest. It was a dawn of pure joy.

God brought him home and together they had a coffee. It was around 5:30 am and the sun is rising.
"Can I stay here forever?" The boy asked. God smiled and gave him a heartwarming embrace.

Friday, January 2, 2009

The waiting in the woods. PT.2

Eriol remained on that spot for quite some time now. There were blizzards, scorching heat and gusty winds yet none of those shook his feet, he was determined to wait.

His best friend came out of the blue uttering his apologies. It was uncertain of what he was apologizing for... is it because of pushing Eriol away, is it because he kept ignoring him or is it because he chose pride over him? There were a lot of things to consider, a lot of things to be sorry for. It never surprised me that those factors didn't seem valuable to Eriol, he learned to forgive because of this person. The smallest of details, the smallest of hurts just became so irrelevant.

Little by little his heart began to melt.

"IT'S ENOUGH!" even Eriol was stunned to hear those words come from the deepest part of his heart. Eriol looked on the mirror, a look to remind him of the past. The horrific dreams that kept him in tears were back. The picture of that dreadful past was so vivid that the cries were crystal clear.

Eriol thought: "I never left him... it was HIM who pushed me away!" "He never accepted my apologies, why should i accept his?" By the time his eyes turned red... he paused and prevented anger from reaching the surface for it'll only corrupt his mind again. In fact, he never wanted to feel hatred for this person.

But It's time.

Time to be strong
Time to stop
Time to love myself
Time to stay away from people who did nothing but bring me intense torment.

As stories have its endings.
It's now a complete 360 degree turn
No looking back.

"I don't know where I belong but I'll be moving on. Listen to the song here in my heart, A melody I've start but I will complete. Now I'm done believing you, you don't know what I'm feeling. I'm more than what you've made of me. I followed the voice, you think you gave to me. But now I gotta find my own."

-Listen, Beyonce

Thursday, January 1, 2009

A Stroll at Dawn. kwento mode.

It was never really safe to wander at the streets in this kind of time but for four dancers who crave for unusual, out of this world fun, danger will never be a hindrance.

Dancers they were, dancers who grooved their bodies in the beat of the music technically known as 'life'. They were individuals who were somehow plagued with tremendous boredom, that they decided to gather and start that magical quest for this so called "fun".

These dancers are considered good in their... well considerable fields. They may have diverse dancing styles but they were surely united by this one genuine passion.

After getting their spines tingled by an ever so horrific movie, they
got off to their feet and went straight out. Like a confused deer walking and navigating its way through the forest, they kept walking yet heading for an unknown destination. But it wasn't really the destination that mattered... it was the journey.

The span of travel carved authentic and temporary smiles on each one's faces (ay grabe ung isa bibo). The expedition lasted for about (I'm really not sure) an hour and a half but it seemed less that thirty minutes. Time was just so unnocticeably quick.

Resting upon the wide open spaces of a ball arena (court) they showed off their various gifts. No one's able to stop their madness! Their souls were amplifying as the music increases in volume (kala mo kay speaker hay)and as their bodies produce sweat. Spectators were around but it seemed like these dancers were just ignoring the irrelevant factors.

A few minutes later and the sun rose, it spelled end for the dawn adventure. I guess they were able to shake off the excessive boredom after all. Breakfast was so special that the scenario was just an exact replica of a "fear factor eating test" (jookkeee!)

The quest for fun ended without the unusual fun they expected, oh well, they just made the most of the 'fun' they have found anyway.

deviation by reynante.