Sunday, November 23, 2008

Your average love life.

It was 2 years ago when I fell in love with my best friend. It was as wonderful as the sun's afterglow with the different colors of the spectrum, words would be inadequate to convey the beauty of the love we had. Surely the risk of having our friendship grow into something more was massive. People say that once the relationship has ended, it's difficult to bring the old times back.

Both of us weren't sure about how our relationship would end, we were just enjoying the cool breeze that encloses us, having love our warmth.

All my life, she's been nothing but the best.

Unfortunately, we broke up, it was because of some reason totally complicated to explain. I could say that breaking up with her would be one of the worst decisions I HAVE EVER MADE. Until now I never really moved on... always wishing that there will be a time when she'll be knocking at the door of my heart again.

We tried to be bestfriends again, calling each other "bez" and sharing details about our lives. She has her new boyfriend and I'm busy with the church's ministries. Though we still keep in touch (like 1 text message in a month) and do regular bestfriend routines, there's something in her or in me that invites an awkward feeling. I believe that there's no hope of having it fixed. Sadly, I have to accept the fact that I lost her.

It think it's deja vu because the same situation seems to occur. I'm scared and bothered because I'm afraid to lose a precious person in my life. *sighs

Having one's friendship grow into something more sure is risky. You should keep on thinking and praying about it because if you push it further you might not be able to handle the consequences.

Are you willing to lose the friendship for the love?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Steering Wheel

God promised to be our greatest provider but sometimes, when people are totally out of cash, they find it difficult to TOTALLY depend on God.

Well, frankly speaking, for other people, it is really difficult to put their trust on a spirit who though promises overflowing blessings still is invisible. If your prayer request doesn't come on time, you become impatient and instead of letting God handle the situation, you begin to take over. Though he told you to quit worrying, day and night you still think of ways of obtaining revenue. You keep on saying: "God, I love you, I trust you" but when the problem strikes, "Lord, hold on a sec, I think I know how to fix it."

When the moon and the stars are up you'll pray: "Lord, please help me, I trust in you" but when the sun shines you'll say: "Lord, I'm feeling strong, I think I can take it from here."

Sometimes, when people aren't deeply inclined to God's word, they tend to take diverse paths. Some will choose immoral ways just to earn money and though the Holy Spirit convicts them, they'll choose not to dwell in it. It's like saying: "Come on, just let me pay my debts and I'll be back at you!"

People fail to realize that God too has emotions. God is always willing and able to help us. Even if we say to him "I trust you" yet is opposite to what we act, it hurts God. I mean, come on, the heart weighs more than the words we utter. Now, when people choose wrong ways of gaining money, it's sin and it automatically separates them from God's love. What hurts in that situation is that though conviction is upon them, they would rather choose money in the expense of God. An object in exchange for God's love? Now go ahead, say "Ouch"
God doesn't always answer prayers. When He says no, it means that He has something better for us because for Him, we deserve nothing but the best.

God is never in a hurry, but He's always on time.

Monday, November 10, 2008


I cleaned my closet this afternoon and saw this poem given to me by a very special person. It seems like it was last summer... a summer morning with the bright sun and various smiles on faces. Everything was just like yesterday.

I guess it's inevitable to have regrets. Letting her go seems to be one of the awful mistakes I have made. Memories are memories, you can have them as long as you'd like, but bear in mind that no matter how long you hold on, there will come a time when the only option left is to let go.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

More than wonderful

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in the spirit."
-Psalms 34:18

When you're in distress, you seek comfort from your friends. You text them, you call them, you try to use every medium of communication simply to share them your burdens. When they don't return your calls or give you answers you don't want to hear, you harbor bitterness in your heart. When their ears and hearts aren't around you, you pity and condemn yourself.

We often forget the comfort and joy the one above can give us. We reason out "mas maganda pag friends dahil nakikita mo" but the peace God offers is far more different and far more wonderful than the laughter friends can give us. Another reason why unbelievers doubt his presence is because they never tried it.

I can say that the bible is like a compliation of God's promises just like the scripture quoted above. God is a God who never breaks his promise. What he said, he does, what he promised, he fulfills. When he said he'll comfort you... he really means it.

ONE MISSED CALL (horror movie?).. thoughts of a struggling individual.

I was browsing the text messages in my cellphone this morning and I saw so many things that gave me the reason to cry. Awwww..

Cellphones are really handy. I mean, you can text and call people, you can make them feel comfortable when they're all by themselves and most importantly you can share the gospel through this piece of tech. In fact, manufacturers have already developed more function and features for cellular phones. Functions may vary depending upon the user's "trip". There are games, music stores, chat boxes, emails and many more. But who would have thought that this work of science can be a torturing machine?

Yes, it can bring us pain! It's like when you broke up with your girlfriend, moved on, browsed your phone and again felt the agony of yesterday. All those sweet words that once made your heart melt are now breaking it again. You stare at the ceiling and thought: "why am I hurting myself?" you attempted to delete everything but you failed 'coz those are the only memories left. All of a sudden you feel like all the love you have for her that once was lost, is now regenerating. How you wish you can slap all the messages on her face... "Don't you remember any of this?" you wished such because you're hoping that she would care. You're hoping that everything would be back to the way it was before. You kept on browsing the messages, from those tasty, sugar-coated phrases down to the ones where the fight started.

As you peruse the messages you begin to wonder "who started it? was it completely my fault? what must I do to fix this" In tears, you saw your pride conceiving anger and gave birth to something more. You're confused and decided not to remove your grip on your stubborn pride. You knew that it took him so much sincerity and courage to apologize yet you ignored that. "Sorry, that's it?" came out from you...
You saw your fault; you were shocked to see your comrade fleeing from you.
The tables have turned, now, it's YOU who's asking for forgiveness. "What did I do to deserve this?" you uttered. Someone came to the picture and said: "let go, it's not worth it", "NO!! I promised God not to give up" you replied. You kept your mouth shut for 24 hours and began to fix the mess.

It was too late! or is it? you have no idea about it being fixed. You also came to the point where you had no choice but to give up.

After reading, a ball fell on your head and the ball seemed to wake you up. You find yourself laughing... "why am I being bothered by this? I already moved on right? haha"

These kind text messages that are associated with painful memories can simply be one heck of a tool for making us cry. Of course, deleting and completely moving on from the incident depends on the person. Some people are just fond of resenting and likes getting hurt for the ones they love. (guilty!)

Moving on (which includes the deletion of messages) is a choice. The one who left you didn't take that freedom you have. You can always choose to forget about all the painful past. Yes, it's difficult but eventually TIME HEALS EVERYTHING... seriously! You know the reason why it seems so slow for your wound to heal is because you're still scratching it. Leave it alone! focus on other things. Be happy.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Taste your words before you utter.

Anyone can say "I LOVE YOU" but not everyone can stand up to it.

You exert effort in fixing a broken relationship while your companion doesn't mind at all. You can't sleep, you can't do your tasks well, yes you smile but deep inside you harbor pain and bitterness. You look at the pictures you stored, pictures that tell your happy memoirs with your friend. You end up crying while your partner enjoys his life. Several days have passed and you still mourn. You keep on shouting "I HAVE LOST MY HALF", "He said he'd never leave! why this?" you thought you've moved on yet you knew that you're kidding yourself. Admit it! you were hoping that he would return. You left your door open but none came.

A couple of days have passed... you feel better... you feel renewed. You realized that he was just too crafty when it comes to words. He was just driven by the waves of emotion... had nothing to say but "YOU'RE IMPORTANT". It was thoughtless! It wasn't heartfelt! It was totally different from what he acts.

More days have passed and now you feel completely better. You try to apply the lesson that you have learned. You inject thoughts in your mind saying that "I'LL NEVER BE LIKE HIM" and that you would be a better friend. To taste your words and make sure it comes from your heart.


You're special.

Astig pag English! -duh

"U may Gad,, madafaka!!! betch..!" All the "dota boys" shouting the same phrase over and over again...

I went to an internet cafe this afternoon just to update my online accounts. As I entered the cafe, I felt uneasy because of the loud voices that seem to swallow the entire room. Meanwhile, curiosity entered my mind as I opened a friend's profile. Her shoutout goes like...

".'+thE lhadY of dOu6z is nOw mOvin6 on.. fUck to oL of thOse fUcking biTchinesS asShoLes BLOODZ!!! aRe u 6onNa fYt!!?? bUt w8.. mAh luV owNs mEh.. nO onE cAn repLaCe him,'+ za n6a dOu6z jaN.. jOin kaU sa grUp kO.."

AHUH?? So now people evolved in terms of cursing? From the legacy of the "putang ina mo" now comes "fuck", "bitch", "asshole" and many more.

So I went back home and sat on the couch with nothing to do. Bored, I browsed the messages of my brother's cellphone (sorry). I saw a message that says "Join the maddafackah clan... to join pls.. blah... bla" I was like WHOA! children use this kind of language?

They say that as long as you know how to speak in english even if you're just a kid or you're poor, people will never laugh at you. I don't know, maybe because lifestyle is nothing compared to intelligence (you can be a millionaire and still be a dumbass). And, according to most people, the standard of being an intellect is based on the language one is using. On how well you communicate using the english language. I guess some people are just born stupid that they keep on speaking or cursing in english yet they are not able to define the words they are using.

???: elay, pakyu ka ba? mga bobo at pulubi lang ang nagmumura ng "PUTA" what an asshole!
elay: bobo ka ba? nagmumura ka rin noh! iniienglish mo lang!!
(uy peace tau ha. lab u!)

"since it's cool to speak in english, I'll do it... I don't care about the meaning, order of words, the pronunciation or even the grammar, it still sounds cool anyway!"

Sunday, November 2, 2008

When one chooses to leave

No one can say: "I had no choice" for in every circumstance we're at, we are given the freedom to select between several options.

A dog is considered man's best friend. As I watched my dog this morning I saw ironies which I can relate. My dog loves to bite things; shoes, flip-flops, umbrellas even the tires of my dad's motorcycle. Every time I saw him ruining my stuff, I'd grab a stick and hit him on the head (pretty evil eh). Unlike other pet lovers, I don't take my dog for a walk because... I don't know... I just don't feel like doing it. Sometimes, when I'm in charge of feeding him laziness will strike me.

My dog sleeps on our porch so when I wash my shoes, water will flood his bed. He ends up soaking yet I never bother to dry him, clean his cage, give him blanket nor show a little TLC.

What struck me is that in spite all the terrible things I've done to him, when I go home he'd still welcome me, licking my pants, my arms, reaching his arm to my bag etc. I end up thinking "after all those nasty things I did, why does he still love me? Truly he doesn't deserve me and he has the freedom to leave. WHY DOES HE KEEP ON WELCOMING ME BACK?"

I tried to place myself on the dog's shoes and thought of a person who I love very much. Images began to clear up until I saw his face...

As I recall all my hardships and sacrifices, his response, the pain he caused me, everything.. I wonder... what is this thing that always kept me praying and caring for him? I ignored the freedom of choice either to be happy or to be in agony. I don't know, I guess I was just focused in giving the best of me.

I guess a time will come when you'll be tired of staying and crying. Maybe it's time to consider the option that most people neglect.

Maybe it's time to leave for good..

Some people are just soo darn good in using words. Words and phrases that can make you feel valued. Lines like "I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU" and "FRIENDS FOREVER" can really turn an intelligent person stupid.