Sunday, October 13, 2013


Why does it rain?
Sometimes in torrents
Sometimes in drizzles
Does it tell of a sadness outpouring
Of my tearless heart throbs and sobbing
That subsides into a dull pain

To the eighth wonder of the world,

          How are you? It's been a long while since the last time I've laid eyes on you. I see that you're happy with your new lover now. When I saw that picture of you two online, I saw the same gleam your eyes had when we first dated. He seems like a smart and sensible guy. I wish I could be happy for you, well, not that I'm not, it's just that hiding my jealousy under a shroud of denial, pangs my already broken heart even more.

          Nothing significant has changed about me. I still teach and choreograph, sometimes I write but really seldom. My feelings for you haven't changed either. My love and passion have not withered even through the passage of time. I've spent countless of sleepless nights; counting eternal minutes for the promise of your return. But sadly, at those last moments just before I shut my weary eyes, I am reminded of an inconsolable truth: you are not coming back.

          I could still vividly remember our last night together. You were tired that time that's why you fell asleep right away. I, on the other hand, was up all night watching you lie in deep slumber; running my fingers through the strands of your short and kinky hair, indulging in that strong and manly scent of your perfume that I've always loved and feeling the warmth of our naked bodies,like dying embers on wrinkled logs by the fireplace. Having you near me was heaven, I just couldn't ask for more.

          But that memory is just a fragment; a piece from an entire archive of memoirs scattered across a secret place in my heart where I have kept you hidden all this time. I did not throw any of them away for, although it brought nothing but inconceivable torment, it has helped me keep my sanity.

          Do you touch him like the way you used to touch me? Do you say "I love you" to him like the way you used to say it to me? Do you write about him on your little journal like you used to write about me? I wrote these questions on a tearstained paper. I never had the courage to look for the answers so I'm left with these perennial horrors that haunt me in my sleep.

          I guess this is how you know when you really love the person. You keep on loving them secretly regardless of how painful and tiresome the journey has been. My darling, my love, my calm waters and my woodland dove, I love you now and forever. What we have will always be seared in my heart. Take care of yourself, I'll always be here for you.

                                                                                                                          Love, Elijah

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Happy Anniversary

I wonder how you are, I wonder if you're still the same... If you're still the same boy that I used to know.

I could still vividly remember our last kiss, remember how I was watching you walk up that bus till you're gone, even watched the bus leave thinking that that was the love of my life saying goodbye. I could still remember our little fights that turn into endless cuddling coz well, you were a capricorn, you're bipolar and your mood swings always gets in my nerve (but it's fine, i loved every bit of you)

I've been dreaming about how it's gonna be like the next time I see you, the next time we hug and kiss each other; fantasizing about the days we used to have. Remember when you'd just go to my place and watch movies and then sleep, and then watch some more movies, eat and then sleep again? I couldn't ask for more. I was complete. I was contented just having you there.

I miss you, like crazy. I know we live two separate lives now and it sucks. I know I can't make you go here but if I could I would. I understand completely why you wouldn't, I understand why you're mad. I get it and I'm sorry. I wish you'd get my side of the story, I wish you could understand why I'm here. I still talk about you, a lot... to everyone. Sometimes I still cry when I hear sad songs, sometimes I can't help but feel lonely whenever I see couples around. I tried turning all my love to anger, I tried ignoring and forgetting everyone but all of it didn't work.

I love you like I have from the start and I probably will like I do now. I hope everything is turning out the way you always expected them to be; that you get everything you deserve.

I hope he takes good care of you. I hope he'll put up with all your mood swings and find your craziness cute.

yesterday's supposed to be our first year, october 1st.

october 1 2012
we were having breakfast at silya when the waiter came up to me and said "sir, the guy from the other table is asking if you're single" I was about to answer him when you stood up and told him "he's not single, i'm his boyfriend". my jaw dropped in shock as I watch you utter those words. you looked at our friend in tears and confessed to him your love for me. I was the happiest person that day.