Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The waiting in the woods.

The sun came. It was a lively morning for a boy named Eriol. The Birds were chirping and the melodies they were singing brought music to his ears. The bright blue skies with the warm colors of the sun was truly a captivating scene... It's going to be a fantastic day!

He rode his unicorn towards the forest to play with his two bestfriends. Eriol met trolls, goblins, fairies, pixies, dwarves, leprechauns and many more. He played with these strangers while he waits for his two special friends. After a couple of hours, they came, it seems like they just finished partying with their other comrades. Eriol played with his bestfriends like he's never played with them before; sliding on rainbows, smelling the flowers and swinging on trees. Words were inadequate to convey Eriol's joy.

It was late afternoon. The skies were starting to turn dark. He always thought of the evening as a time for bidding goodbyes. Because of that, he held their hands and carved their names on his heart. He wished for the moon to hide itself and for the stars to vanish forever but it was useless. The entire day he spent seemed hours for time was so unnoticeably swift.

"promise me you'll come back, I'll wait for you tomorrow!" These words came spilling out from his mouth just as tears fell from his eyes.

The three have departed as the moon entered the scene. Eriol arrived home smiling for he decided to reminisce and savor the joyful memoirs. He was reluctant to rest his eyes and drift away in deep slumber, he wanted to play with the good ol' times. But just as stories have its endings, so does his day has to end. The carriage that will bring him to another magical realm called dreamland picked him up and went off.

The sun rose. Excitement and happiness were painted on his face as he performed his morning rituals. He felt this impassive bliss as he rushed to the forest. He ignored every impediment, every stranger and even his new friends for he knew that what he's going for was forever.

He waited on the same spot. Hours and hours have passed but there was no trace of his friends. He tried calling his new friends but unfortunately they were found nowhere. All the joy faded. Out of the painted smiles, his faced turned blue... he was all alone.

It was late afternoon when he decided to serach for them. Eriol found his girl bestfriend having fun with her new friends. She heard Eriol's call but it seems like she simply ignored him. Eriol was in tears asking why could he be replaced by someone so new... someone so unfamiliar. He went to his guy bestfriend to share his burdens. It's better to lose one that to lose both he thought.

"Get out of here my so called bestfriend!" Rage attacked and dragged Eriol out of his friend's house. Confusion plauged his mind wondering what could have gone wrong. He was on his knees begging for an explanation but sadly, he was thrown outside the door.

Though the pain was massive, though they took half of his life with them and though it brought Eriol immense torment, he chose not to dwell on it. All those smiles and sunshines were gone. He found himself alone and troubled. Leprechauns, pixies and fairies cared for him and though it was completely different from the "care" his bestfriends used to give, he accepted in anyway.

Eriol went to the forest waiting on that same spot every morning. He's still waiting in anticipation for the return of his friends. He refused to ponder upon thoughts such as letting go and goodbyes.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

A Special Chocolate

It was 2am in the morning and his eyes were still glowing and lively! He headed towards the fridge to grab and chew on a couple of goodies to pass the time.

A secret door was unlocked! It was a door of steel that leads to a magical realm of sweets. His eyes were caught by mouth watering delicacies that seemed to entice and bind his entire senses. He knew he'd need all of them! There were different flavors, different sizes and different labels all pleasing to his sight and taste. He simply can't get enough!

As he was indulging himself he noticed something's wrong. A few minutes later, he gained consciousness that his ever so special chocolate was missing. "where could it be?" "where could HE be?". In tears, he went after the chocolate. Hours, Days, weeks, months have passed and still he's nowhere.

The other promising goodies were always there and enjoying his stay in coco land. In return, he gave his time and smiles to them as a token of gratitude. Though he's beginning to get used to the idea of not having his special chocolate, he surely wishes for its return.


We always crave for chocolate right? But I guess there will be a special chocolate that will make you ignore the others.

deviation by darkixi

Friday, December 19, 2008

FREE, Day III at the citadel.

Tonight's the last.

The agony wasn't really healed, it was only covered.

Anger was simply preventing the anguish to reach the surface, nothing more nothing less. The jar
that contains my tears is overflowing! I was screaming!!! crying for help, crying for company!

"Come young man, let's have a chat"

A familiar man invited me for supper. His voice seems to calm my senses, His eyes were shining with love and compassion and as He hold my hands, I felt true comfort.

"What's the problem?"

At first I was totally reluctant to narrate the incidents by detail. I was completely in cold fury, the anger came like a roaring lion panting for blood! I was afraid to admit that I was hurting for if I find tears flowing from my eyes, I'd pity myself. A few minutes later, I was surprised to see myself transparent before Him. My mouth was singing the entire song.p The words began to convey the entire scene, little by little the picture becomes more vivid. Yes, it was awful to portray it again but there's something in Him that made me open up.

"Why is it when I tend to show unconditional love, people won't do the same for me. Why does it have to be so unfair?"

Tears began to fall

All of a sudden, He embraced me. His arms were wrapped so tight that I'd wish for it to last forever. The soul that was covered in ice and was engulfed in darkness was alive again. As tears kept falling, He whispered: "You don't need anyone to tell you that you're special because in my eyes, you already are." I was speechless. Nothing was left but tears... lots and lots of tears.

I took another glimpse on the mirror. It was a hideous monster! I was a hideous monster! It's time to end this!


I flew with wings of an eagle... away from the citadel... away for good.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

STRONGER. day II at the citadel

If you've been reading my blog lately, you'll know what I'm trying to narrate here.

Taking an evening stroll, I noticed the trees smiling at a very peculiar manner (actually it was more of a grin) the breeze seems to be even more cooler and the voice I mentioned before doesn't bother me anymore. It was breathtaking to walk on the narrow brick road while you feast your eyes on autumn leaves falling from the trees. The moon was up and bright and the stars were just astounding. The environment was a bit odd but it sure is nice.

Buckets and buckets of blood came pouring out of me! After a minute of walking, the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground and bleeding, that captivating portrait turned red! Out of nowhere an arrow suddenly pierced my heart, it was a big shock I didn't see it coming!

"it was from one of my birthday presents" I uttered. I plucked it out and began familiarizing myself with it.

"Damn it! why is it so easy for them to judge me? I am so sick and tired of being accused for something I didn't do!" unbearable and audible words came spilling out from my mouth, words that were the closest to interpret my heart's emotions! I almost drowned for my eyes began to flood with tears.

A huge plague of fire came burning all the anguish away! After the scene, after sweeping the ashes, I stood up with blazing red eyes with tons and tons of unimaginable anger! My heart has been healed by a matter I don't know. I took a glimpse of myself on a mirror floating right next to the pedestal. The mirror was old and made out of gold, it was embedded with floral swirls and is crafted with precious stones. Staring at it surely is captivating.

There I saw a kid with eyes like a phoenix and wings similar to a bat. His heart speaks nothing but anger, VAST anger that can almost cover the skies. It was inconceivable! His stomach craves to devour meat and his soul yearns to burn homes! It's been months since the last time this kid unleashed hell! Again, he found pleasure in immeasurable anger for it is able to terminate all the heartache.

I was desperate to revive the old me, the indestructible, immovable and invulnerable me. There will be a time when even swarms of arrows may come but it will end up shattered, a time when anger will fully consume my spirit and make me totally invincible!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Black Citadel

I was engulfed in thick darkness.

My wings were like broken glass shattered into pieces, I just can't fly my way out of here. The fragrance of the air tingles my spine, the dead trees brought my eyes amazement, the river was ju... wait a minute, I think I've been here before! The sensation the place brought my flesh reminded me of my old home.

As I explore the strangely familiar ruins, my eyes were caught by a striking pedestal. The structure is destroyed yet the crystals that held its power remained, it might be shattered but its essence sure is vivid. Alongside were more pedestals with labels such as envy, hatred, arrogance and so on.

I paused for a second for I felt my spirit weaken. The glacial plinth solidifies my heart and brings torture to my spirit. I continued walking towards the pedestal. Step by step, little by little, I feel my spirit decay but the power the pedestal has draws me nearer, it simply amuses my flesh that it ignores the agony of my soul.

My attention was caught by a small voice that whispered to my ear. The voice was sweet as cherry and is light as a feather, I guess the delight it brought me is what they call PEACE.

"My Son I love you, please don't" The voice whispered

My soul wanted to head back towards the voice but my flesh surpassed my spirit's craving.

THE PEDESTAL IS ALIVE! All of a sudden I felt its power flow through my veins. As I walk away from it, people seem to flee from me, all of them, it's as if I'm some kind of disease! At first it was painful to see the ones I love turn away but as I watch my bitterness burn and my heart turns to steel, all the anguish vanished. Goodness, I can barely feel anything my body is numb all over!

As I stay here wandering around the citadel, I'm not sure of what will happen. I'm uncertain of how many people will stay and will depart from my life but one thing's clear in my mind; The numbness of my body and soul hinders pain from penetrating in my system.

The Happiest Birthday ever woot!

We all get to celebrate our birthdays right?
Want to know how mine went?

Georgette and Leslie went to my house last night (Tuesday, November 16, 10pm) so they can greet me at 12:00am personally. After the warm greeting they went home having our refrigerator EMPTY! A few hours later, I saw myself sleeping with a smile painted on my face.

I woke up with 10 messages from my cellphone. Surely I can't recall all of them but some were from yna, janjan, mama mitch, my cousin aleli etc. Sorry if I forgot the rest but you deserve my thanks for it started my day with colors.

After going to the University of The Philippines Lanter Parade (I didn't finish it) I went to see twilight at sm. After the movie and a little shopping, I went to starbucks for a grande mocha frap and for the next 30 minutes, I sat there reading my book. I guess that would be my "celebration" but you know what's cool? I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!

I went to my bestfriend's house to pick up a cd. I got the item, he uttered his greetings then Imma outta there.

My arrival was GRANDIOSE! It was filled with lots and lots of fireworks!

"Wala ka nanamang naitutulong sa bahay!"
"Hihintayin mo pa ba ang ading mo na maghugas! Maghugas ka na senyorito ka nanaman para kang boarder!"

Goodness gracious what an astounding surprise!

I texted my bestfriend about the party going on in my house, of course the impact of the text wouldn't be complete without a few curses. A few hours later my phone rang, it was a message from him!

"Pards yar badshot ka dito sa bahay. galet na galet si papa nabasa ung text mo na puro mura. di ko na nga nabasa eh. wag ka na raw pumunta dito at wag na rin daw akong lumapit sayo."

As usual, I replied with sarcasm (I thought that it wasn't the right time to be emo and cry) "WOW, that's just what i needed thanks a lot!"

My phone rang again...

"ako pinagtatanggol kita dito tas ikaw. amf! bala ka nga! PANIRA KA TALAGA NG BUHAY"

I paused for a second. I felt a knife stab my heart but when the blade sank in, it was unnoticable. Massive anger took place! Anger not for him but for the circumstances! The heartache vanished as hatred began to explode.. I can barely feel anything!

NOW... let's count my birthday presents.

-ever so loving parents
-dearest bestfriend

darn it, i only got two. I wonder what will happen this Christmas hahaha.. Happy Birthday to me!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A name that starts with the letter "G"

Despicable behavior, unacceptable attitude, a dreadful image and a horrible outlook towards life define him. Lazy, useless, unreliable, naive, apathetic, ignorant and a handful of negative adjectives elucidate his character. Go ahead and think of the most insensitive person, dress him with a black top, bench boxers, skinny jeans, pony shoes and to top it off, a sony ericsson P900

I guess that is how the crowd portrays this being. They attempt to bring judgment simply by peeking through the windows of his life, unaware of the real deal inside.

A precious, one of the most intricate masterpieces knitted with various gifts and talents, a beautifully crafted specie spiced with different flavors that build up his personality. Intelligent, talented and truly priceless.

While you're reading, he'll turn the lights off, he'll grab your pillow even when you're using it, he won't share his laptop until he's satisfied with what he's doing, he'll call you a plagiarist even when you're not and lastly; he'll call you unusual names you won't imagine. But what makes those awful set of traits pleasant to ones soul? I DON'T KNOW!! It's this impassive bliss, unexplainable, unimaginable. It's that joy difficult to convey.

There are times when he doubts himself. Times when he'd stay in bed wishing to escape from all the life's impediments. strive forward!

Unfold your wings, soar up high in the clouds, reach for the skies.

Believe in yourself

You are special

Thursday, December 11, 2008


To The "bestest" bestfriend who will NEVER be replaced.

She can write a whole book about me and I can do the same.When I hear the word love, She appears right in my mind next to God. We have similar heartbeat, similar dreams and similar outlook, other people say we even look alike.She's just everything to me!

She'd write me poems.She'd be at my classroom during recess with snacks on her bag.She'd wait for me until after class and we'd go lunch together.She'd always remind me of taking my meals on time.She'd always call and check on me if I'm doing well.She'd sing to me songs (at kahit ngayon wala pang gumagawa sakin nito ).We'd always see each other after every activity yet she never gets tired of me. We'd talk on the phone for hours and even though she's sleepy, I can still sense her listening ears.She'd always make me feel loved.

She means everything to me.

Last night, I texted her about putting an end to our relationship (bestfriends). She admitted that she cannot bring the old intimacy back for there's this awkwardness between us.

In her text messages she wrote:

"I don't know what to say basta thank you for that precious friendship we had... sana someday makatagpo ka ng isang tao na makakapagpasaya sayo at di ka iiwan. Wag mong pababayaan ang sarili mo, kumain ka lagi sa oras para hindi umatake yung ulcer mo. Godbless. I'll miss everything."

What breaks my heart is that as she bids her goodbye, she still reminded me of how she cared and of how I am valuable to her. No one in my life have ever done such things to me. Though I consider people 'bestfriends NO ONE COULD EVER REPLACE HER.

She means everything to me.How I wish I can hug you once again. I wish we could have taken too many pictures.. so I'll have something to ugghh nevermind

If there will ever be a person able to take her place, I pray that it'll be soon. ILoveYou

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wandering Hearts and painted smiles.

Sitting on the rooftop, dreaming of a perfect Christmas, gazing on the stars, you reluctantly break the door of sealed memories. The cool breeze whispers at your ear, below are the children singing oh can you hear? As the hour passes, memoirs begin to become more vivid as it surfaces your conscious mind. Your eyes feast on shimmering lights that are clothed with diverse colors and shine... one hour of reflection and boom, the past has been dug up from the grave. It's alive and breathing.

The season's ambiance is truly grandiose but what good would it be to a man who finds his heart lost in the cold streets?

Amidst the glacial nights, lovers share their warmth with their ever so precious hugs and kisses. Oh you can almost sense that sweet tenderness in their midst. You'd witness friends uttering words of endearment, not forgetting nor hesitating to convey their love towards their comrades. No one seems to care, no one seems to listen, as long as you're smiling as long as you're laughing the friends you know are found nowhere.

They'd expect you to open up but wouldn't it be nicer if they would just inquire behind those smiles?
wouldn't it be astounding if one would express his or her love for you or have someone who's able to notice that behind those painted smiles is the HELL you carry.

A simple yet thoughtful combination of the finest words from that person who's dear to you can surely pick you up from that cold floor of loneliness.

You wait for initiatives... still nothing.
It's either your heart has wandered far off, you're just so good at smiling or they simply don't care.

Some people are just so good at pretending they can deceive you about their true condition.

Some just feel more loved when people ask behind their smiles questions fit for sad people.

It's Christmas... show REAL love.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Doors and Walls

If a stranger came at your doorstep
will you open the door and let him in?

You hardly know anything about him
but he sure brings extraordinary excitement.

Your heart's protected by a huge wall made up of lessons
which you have acquired from your dreadful battles.
Wardens of anger, fear and pride exist to defend it from intruders
and sudden flares of emotion.

Indeed you are cautious.
Afraid to get hurt, afraid to cry for the wrong and unworthy person
and mostly, afraid to get vulnerable.

"If I unlock my door, will he stay?"
"If he does, for how long?"
"If he sees the real me, will he accept it?"
"what if he only wants to take a glimpse and not really enter?"

The ever so awful ghost of the past haunts you again. The questions that build up your evening nightmares reappears and inquires for the second time.

Now matter how long you keep this up or avoid it, it's inevitable! There will be a point when you'll have no choice but to come up with a decision.

Be wise.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


How far will your sight take you?

Are they able to see through your blinding mask?

No one bothers to ask... No one seems to care... as long as they see you happy, strong and outgoing they wouldn't mind. Sometimes it feels much better if behind all your laughter someone will ask you "are you really okay?". One morning your eyes opened and suddenly your heart felt cold. The warmth, the fire that keeps you alive went out.

You hear your master's voice but you hide yourself because of your shameful face. You can really use a shoulder to pour your heart out right now, unfortunately, no one's there. No one seem to mind at all. It's either they don't care or they don't really know... come on, you're wearing your mask remember?

You can taste your soul long and hunger for your first love... but...

Face the fact!

You can't live all by yourself

This life is not meant to be played individually
Don't depart from the vine!
and lastly...
You can't survive without Him.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

It's that choice.

If mind is always over matter, is the mind powerful enough to control the heart?

The bottom line of the situation has always been obvious; the person you love doesn't love you anymore. They say that people always have a choice, a choice whether to be happy or to stay in agony. This might sound weird but have you ever experienced wanting to banish the feelings but then there's something in you that you can't explain and this 'something' stops you from totally letting go? A certain "something" that keeps on pulling your leg, hinders you from being free and stops you from being happy.

You always lie to yourself saying: "I'm ok, she's out of my life" but when your music airs, there seems to be an invisible, invulnerable knife stabbing your heart. How you'd wish that you're numb! You can't deny the fact that you're still affected and that your heart has never been healed completely. When you see lovers enjoying the breeze of Christmas, when you see shimmering lights everywhere, tears begin to fall from your eyes unexpectedly. Come on! you can't even quit yourself from texting her. When she sends a reply, your heart jumps in anticipation! The cup of your heart just overflows with so much aching.

I remember reading Neru's blog and the thought that was embossed in my mind was, "why insist, why persist, when you have alternatives" Well... though there are "alternatives" they may not be as good as the one we desire.

"What is wrong with me?!"
"Why can't I stop this?"
"How long will I wait?!"

Answer? You can!

You just don't want to

You just won't accept the fact.

Remember when you were just a little boy and was given a taste of your first antibiotic? How about your first biogesic(did I spell it right)? It was awful right? the taste? By the time you attempted to swallow it, you spitted it out! Surprisingly, several months have passed and you've been able to get used to it. For a little kid it was an achievement!

It's when you've decided to endure the awful taste to once and for all END intensifying pain.