Tuesday, April 23, 2013


This story is dedicated to the following:
Chrisrose Panotes
Gerard Stephen Garcia
Meg De Guzman
Geneva Antonio
My bestfriend, Christian Vasquez
My brother, Ezekiel Caguioa
And to those who have basked under the merciless hand of love.

This is a work of fiction; anything related to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

A roller coaster of emotions; a story of selfless and unreturned love. Ryan have loved Keith with all his heart, he has suffered countless of heartbreak in their ephemeral love affair. Ryan was adamant in his determination to face every hardship just so he could win Keith’s heart. Love is selfless, love is enduring but what happens when you get tired of loving? How do you face a loveless love affair?


“How do you live when the very reason for living, leaves you?”

“It’s not you, it’s me. I love you but we need this space.” are the knife like words that plunged right into Ryan’s heart leaving him petrified on his seat. Keith continued to explain not realizing that the person he is talking to is somehow lost in an aching trance. No words dared to escape Ryan’s lips, the invisible blows kept him silent. He tried to keep himself together, not wanting to make a scene as they remained seated inside their favorite coffee shop. 


“love, ano yan?” Ryan asked “ano, uhm Belgian waffles, hindi mo pa ba natikman to? Masarap kaya.”  Keith said as he took a slice and gently placed it on Ryan’s plate. “I love you, love,” Keith whispered. They were happy.

 Ryan felt his knees shaking; he looked down and made a soft sobbing sound. Unfortunately, his strength was not enough to seize his tears as it began streaming down his cheeks.

They would always meet at the coffee shop; spend about an hour or two before Keith goes to work. Ryan knew how stressful Keith’s job was so he always made sure to at least see him before his shift. Ryan and Keith shared the same set of friends. One night, beneath the cloudless sky, on the same table, under the conspiracy of the whole universe… they were introduced. The coffee tables were placed adjacent to a man-made lagoon surrounded by bamboo trees protruding from a thin sheet of grass and pebbles. The couple just loved it there. The ambiance was serene, its landscape was paradise. 

Keith stood up “I need to go may pasok pa ko” Ryan felt his heart breaking inside his chest. He wanted to grab his arm and beg for him to stay but he knew that it would only make him uncomfortable. “…okay, take care.” are the only words that he could utter. 

As Keith started to fade in a distance, Ryan remained hushed on his seat watching his whole world collapse before him.

They are both are total opposites. Keith is thrifty and practical while Ryan has no concept of saving. They would always argue whenever Ryan fails to finish his meal.

“Love, ubusin mo yung pagkain mo nagsasayang ka nanaman e.”
“Eh busog na kasi ako”
“Eh bakit ka kasi kumuha ng marami diba?”
“oo na, uubusin na po”

               Keith is secretive and soft-spoken while Ryan’s tact, straight to the point and brutally honest. Even movies and television shows were an issue since Ryan enjoys anime and cartoons while Keith doesn’t. Their list of opposites goes a long way. They argue most of the time even because of the simplest things. However, one thing they loved about each other was the fact that they just can’t let the sun go down without settling things right. They loved each other deeply.

The sun retreated. Nightfall began to creep in. Ryan stood up, gathered his things and started walking. He walked the dim lighted pavement slowly. Each step bore pain words would not suffice to convey. The street was filled with the sound of glee coming from a group of friends who watched a movie, couples sitting by the fountain and parents playing with their children. He was surrounded by smiling faces, colorful lights and happy souls yet he did not see any of this. All he saw was the pain of going home, sleeping alone, being tortured in his dreams and waking up to face the same ache the next day. Ryan continued walking, the cold evening breeze caressing his skin. He remained stuck in an unbearably painful daze, clueless of how to rebuild his shattered world.