Sunday, October 13, 2013


Why does it rain?
Sometimes in torrents
Sometimes in drizzles
Does it tell of a sadness outpouring
Of my tearless heart throbs and sobbing
That subsides into a dull pain

To the eighth wonder of the world,

          How are you? It's been a long while since the last time I've laid eyes on you. I see that you're happy with your new lover now. When I saw that picture of you two online, I saw the same gleam your eyes had when we first dated. He seems like a smart and sensible guy. I wish I could be happy for you, well, not that I'm not, it's just that hiding my jealousy under a shroud of denial, pangs my already broken heart even more.

          Nothing significant has changed about me. I still teach and choreograph, sometimes I write but really seldom. My feelings for you haven't changed either. My love and passion have not withered even through the passage of time. I've spent countless of sleepless nights; counting eternal minutes for the promise of your return. But sadly, at those last moments just before I shut my weary eyes, I am reminded of an inconsolable truth: you are not coming back.

          I could still vividly remember our last night together. You were tired that time that's why you fell asleep right away. I, on the other hand, was up all night watching you lie in deep slumber; running my fingers through the strands of your short and kinky hair, indulging in that strong and manly scent of your perfume that I've always loved and feeling the warmth of our naked bodies,like dying embers on wrinkled logs by the fireplace. Having you near me was heaven, I just couldn't ask for more.

          But that memory is just a fragment; a piece from an entire archive of memoirs scattered across a secret place in my heart where I have kept you hidden all this time. I did not throw any of them away for, although it brought nothing but inconceivable torment, it has helped me keep my sanity.

          Do you touch him like the way you used to touch me? Do you say "I love you" to him like the way you used to say it to me? Do you write about him on your little journal like you used to write about me? I wrote these questions on a tearstained paper. I never had the courage to look for the answers so I'm left with these perennial horrors that haunt me in my sleep.

          I guess this is how you know when you really love the person. You keep on loving them secretly regardless of how painful and tiresome the journey has been. My darling, my love, my calm waters and my woodland dove, I love you now and forever. What we have will always be seared in my heart. Take care of yourself, I'll always be here for you.

                                                                                                                          Love, Elijah


Mharliz said...

Soon... you'll get over the pain soon Lay. Just always remember that we'll support you no matter what. Love you, Lay!

Soul Yaoi said...

Love is always a combination of joy and sorrow.