Wednesday, March 29, 2017


They looked at him with inquisitive eyes; waiting for a spark that would illuminate the depths of his soul.

"If you really did love him, why didn't you fight for him? why didn't you beg when he decided to leave?"

He took a deep breath, leaned back and puffed his last cigarette as he veered away and threw his gaze up the starless sky; subtly attempting to recollect the events that transpired about two years ago.

"you know..." he felt a sudden pang in his heart as the words reluctantly escaped his lips -a dull pain which he managed to conceal behind a casual smirk.

"wouldn't it be selfish if you force someone to stay and love you kahit na hindi ka na nila kayang mahalin?"

"kasi diba..." They watched his pupils dilate -a subconscious sign of readiness of love yet through them they saw defeat and emptiness. Love and sorrow -it was a paradox in its cruelest form. "kapag mahal mo, dapat kung saan siya sasaya?"

He noticed the quizzical expression on their faces. "was the feeling suicidal?" They both asked.

 In a swift second, he once again plunged into the maggot broth of forlorn memories. "masakit..." He whispered. "na kahit  ikamatay ko pa, kung sa paraang iyon ay mabubuhay siya..." he paused and let out an insignificant breath "magpapakamatay na lang ako."

"do you still..." They hesitated. Both of his friends knew the severity of their question

His vigorous love for him has stood the passage of time. It was the kind of love that was silent and self-sacrificing yet unrelenting. The seventh wonder of the world, his sun and moon, the love of his life, his habibi, will never come back and with that he is certain. Be that as it may, he still made an irrevocable decision to keep loving until the last teardrop falls; until the next phase of the moon, until the dying embers in his heart burn out.

He saw the colors of the sun's glow in the horizon; the spectrum it threw at the great divide. The evening had ended in a nostalgic twilight. And through his eyes of perpetual sorrow, he looked at his friends..

"yes, i still do."


Victor Saudad said...

that all too familiar feeling.

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