Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday...and congratulations

I know you're happy with him and that makes me happy. Although, even I cannot summon the smile to convince myself that what I'm saying is true but I know it is, because at the end of the day... I know that your happiness is what matters to me.

Salvation

Sadness and numbness, sometimes you cannot tell the difference.
Arguably one of the reasons people isolate themselves.
Vehement waves of unbearable longing.
Echoing through the silence of the abyss.

Mend the brokenness.
Endure the agony.

Seasons II

He saw the sun retreat in the distance
Its rays yielding into the crippling night

Snowflakes fell from the sky
Like sorrowful tears from a widow's cry

Winter was over and he was his spring
But the cold is more powerful; dark and unforgiving

Seasons

   The snow began to melt

   The night your first kiss was felt

   Dark clouds gave way for the sun

   To shed light and had the sorrow undone

   The birds joyfully sing

   To the blissful songs your voice brings

   Butterflies dance to the flowers that bloom

   As the last bits of snow washes away my gloom

   I will keep you in my heart

   A secret place where forever you'll be a part

   For your heart has given mine a whole new meaning

   As winter is over and you are my spring

Joseph, I hope you rot in hell.

"He just said he didn't want to do it anymore" Ryan sighed, expressionless. His eyes, hollow, soulless.

"He said he didn't want to do it? that's it?" Corazon exclaimed in disbelief, slamming her hands on the antique table, almost catching everyone's attention in the French Cafe they were seated in.

Ryan looked up and stared at Corazon. Her face was bursting with rage yet her eyes radiated compassion and empathy.

"Yes, just like that" He replied.

She reached for his hand and cupped it in hers, trying to calm the storm underneath his untroubled aura.

"I'm sorry babe, you did not deserve that." She whispered.

But

There was no storm. there were no tears to shed and no broken heart to piece together... only nothingness and barely-healed wounds.

July 31, 12:38pm
"One day, we will live together forever and I will look after you in health and in sickness. I love you."

Under any circumstances, Ryan would have fallen in love with Joseph's sweet ensemble of words but Gabriel, his great love, had already destroyed him. He knew that Joseph would leave just like the others. Ryan saved himself this time. He knew that he can never trust any man again.

"I'm okay, it's just a scratch." Ryan uttered as he placed the turquoise, porcelain teacup on the saucer.

He yearned for long drives; looking for drive-thrus, taking car selfies and singing wildly to pop songs, hearts bursting with laughter, hands held and fingers intertwined.

He dreamed of warm and cozy nights; snuggled in bed, nestled in each other's arms, glued on Netflix while binge eating. His lover running his fingers through the strands of his hair as he gently planted kisses on his forehead.

He fantasized getting drunk at a club, dancing foolishly at the center with his partner, eyes fixed at each other's gaze as the noise muffled and the crowd faded in the background.

He envisioned trivial quarrels that blossomed into fierce lovemaking, bodies naked covered in kisses, minds blank and hearts full.

Corazon stood up and sat beside Ryan "look at me" She said as she wrapped her arm around him. "I hope you find someone who will respect your feelings".

But the fire in him has ebbed.

He grew cynical and callous. He refused to feel and open up again.

Ryan retreated to an emotional fortress where no one can touch him again.

"Yeah I guess" He replied with a casual smirk.