THE 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

It's been a long while since the last time I posted anything here on my blog. I am a bit uncertain if this post I have come up with still falls under the category of creative writing since most of the words used in here are quite shallow. I can't help but feel that my brain cells have deteriorated in my many months of not writing. Nonetheless, these words came from my heart and are therefore worthy of posting. My apologies for the vulgar content.

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PUTANGINAMO HAYUP KA PINAASA MO KO!

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The 10 Things

1. YOU SLEEP TOO EARLY

9pm pa lang pero puro goodnight texts na ang natatanggap ko from you. Ano to may bedtime? elementary? It's actually pretty hard to believe a 19yo na may ganitong keme pa. I have been filled with speculations na 9pm onwards is your quality time with (insert name of boyfriend here) oo, i don't want to mention his name! Of course, I never had the courage to ask, I'm not even in the position to ask ... and even if I were, I wouldn't dare, baka hindi ko lang magustuhan ung sagot.

2. YOU'RE TOO SWEET

Bakit kelangan may hugs and :* ang mga texts mo? why do you make sleep on your shoulder/lap? why are you so irresistibly sweet kung sabi mo nga FRIENDS lang tayo? Naiinis ako kasi I can't help but assume na we're more than friends dahil sa mga ginagawa mo. Alam mong may gusto ako sa'yo, alam nating may gusto ka rin sakin at higit sa lahat alam nating may boyfriend ka na pero bakit ganito parin? ano to? paasa?? why do you have to be such a tease? Oo, masaya siya.. nakakakilig e pero what's the use kung at the end of the day all I do is cry? I cry because the hugs and kisses saved on my inbox are constant reminders of someone I can never have.

3. YOU MAKE ME DO STUPID THINGS

I cut class (sometimes) I wait for almost 3 hours prior to your dismissal, gumigising ako ng sobrang aga kahit afternoon pa ang classes ko para lang makasabay ka. Okay, I know you never asked me to do these things pero can't you see?? I am this crazy just to be with you!

4. I'M THE BEST WHEN I'M WITH YOU

Next to my bestfriend, ikaw yung tao na sobrang comfortable akong kasama. I can be myself... no masks, no pretenses. There's genuine happiness every time I'm with you. Ang sakit kasi we both know na hindi na babalik yung dati.

5. YOU'RE INSENSITIVE

There was this time na you were planning to go to ***** and I asked if I could come along. "hindi pwede, magkikita kasi kami ng boyfriend ko"I was like... PUTANGINA! alam kong hindi naman tayo pero sana cinonsider mo man lang na masakit marinig yun on my part tutal alam mo namang may gusto ako sa'yo diba? SANA NAGSINUNGALING KA NA LANG! Eh yung mga panahon na I'm hanging out with your friends tapos sasabihin mong "guys, punta kayo sa birthday ni boyfriend ha" my god! sadya ba yon? ... pero sige, wala akong karapatan magreklamo, ginusto ko to e.

6. YOU MAKE IT SEEM TOO EASY

When I decided to end everything between us ( as if there really was something to end ) hindi basta basta yun! I had to gather all my courage and face the fact that YOU can NEVER be MINE. Do you have any idea how it feels na pigilan yung sarili mo from doing the things na nakasanayan na like texting you and exchanging sweet nothings? IT'S FUCKING HARD!

"Grabe ka wala ka man lang talagang reply sa mga texts ko or kaya paramdam ganito ganyan tapos puro okay lang yung sagot mo kanina." are you serious? tingin mo ba madali lang yung pagpipigil na ginawa ko? of course not! I had to control myself dahil pag nag give in nanaman ako, iiyak at iiyak lang ako.

7. YOU'RE SELF-CENTERED

Remember the time na tiniis kong hindi kita itext? nagalit ka diba pero nung nagalit ka hindi ko kinaya... hindi kita natiis kaya NAGREPLY AKO. I was drunk that time pero nilakad ko yung main road para lang maghanap ng loading station just so I can call and make sure you're okay. We went to school together that morning dinedma mo ko, hindi mo ko kinakausap YOU MADE ME LOOK STUPID and what was your reason? kasi gusto mong magalit ako sayo? kasi gusto mong maramdaman ko yung feeling na hindi kinakausap? BULLSHIT! Why do you need to get even? Hindi pa ba enough yung texts and failed call attempts ko? Was there ever a time na gumanti ako when all you do was hurt me? tell me! was there ever a time?

8. YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME

And that's just one fucking thing I don't wanna talk about.

9. YOU ACT AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED

You still call and text at nageexpect ka pa ng reply. Bakit ganon? ayoko na nga diba? ayaw na kitang kausapin. If you can't love me, will you at least help me move on?!

10. NAKAKAMISS KA

There! I admit it! I miss everything! Your scent, your witty humor, your cold sarcastic jokes... pero tama na. Enough is enough. I should stop feeding this emotion. I assume hindi ka mahihirapan magmove on dahil you're with someone na and I don't want to be the kawawa being left behind.

THOUGHTS V: Tasting Love

It was in an afternoon of fall. There they were taking a stroll beneath the grandiose trees as autumn leaves fall like snowflakes on the ground. It was a portrait the boy used to paint deep within the walls of his unconscious mind. There were shades and colors every hopeless romantic would dream of laying on their canvasses. Once finished, they just stare at it, fantasizing... desperately waiting for that moment to come alive. The boy was just one of the fortunate few who had his dream come true.

"Let's jump over there" He said pointing at the pile of leaves. "You mean dive? Are you sure?" The girl replied. The boy held her hand, their fingers tight and locked. Then, with a single mischievous smile they ran towards the pile.

They ended up lying on the dirt side by side. They laughed their hearts out as they watch dry leaves fly everywhere. "You should have the seen the look on your face" The boy said. Laughter roared even more! As it seized he turned to her, their faces a breath away. He just stared at her. She wore a face of perfection, a marvel, a sight he only used behold from a distance, a figure he used to steal glimpses of. Now, there he lays, only courage away from a kiss. He was speechless. It's as if he was robbed of all the flamboyant words he knows.

"Do you love me" The boy blurted out. The girl cupped her hands on his cheeks "Listen to me" The girl said "I know you're gifted and all, dancing, writing and all those stuff but believe me when I tell you that even if you couldn't dance or write anything fancy I'd still love you" The boy remained silent. Nothing was heard from him except for the audible sound of his heartbeat. "All that time you remained aloof, hushed, doing nothing but wait and watch I was waiting for you. Now you're here... with me... together...." As they remain sitting underneath the shades, the boy started painting new pictures in his head. Pictures that somehow depict a new chapter in their story. Pictures that are full of color, full of life, hope and love. Then and there he knew, looking deep in her eyes, that beyond any shadow of doubt... she is the one he would like to spend eternity with.

..."I've been saving love songs and lullabies, and there's so much more no one's ever heard before. Something's telling me it might be you, all of my life"

Unpublished Love

"Make me feel good when I hurt so bad, barely getting' mad, I'm so glad I found you, I love bein' around you"

From the moment the song began serenading my ears, like the stream's raging waters thoughts of you came flooding in my restless mind. How am I to portray you? Confused I have been, blinded by the myriad things about you that captivated me. It's as if I am trapped in an arcane maze teeming with undecipherable riddles. goodness! Indeed it is challenging to bring you into perfect picture. I've written dozens, juiced my brain with poems and letters and stories yet every time I'd sit down and write, it's as if I'm writing to you for the first time.

The way your long curly hair gently dances with the wind, that sweet voice of yours, able to seize all the filthy noise, your heart-melting, compassionate and ever so loving stare, your lovely face, your cute smile, your witty jokes, your winks everything! I believe that I don't have the luxury of space to enumerate all of them.

Every time you would tell me how special I am even at times I know I'm not, when you'd ask me simple things like "have I eaten" or "how was my day" just gives me that inexpressive bliss probably that thing they call "kilig". I hope your mind would dare not think of these as mere praises only for I have gathered all my emotions to assemble these words. If only my mind has richer vocabulary I guess I could have come up with a more appealing manuscript but I guess this is it... for now.

I know I have always said this but just please let me say it again... You make waiting sooo worth it. Have a pleasant evening my dear, I'll meet you in my dreams. :)


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This is what? my 5th post for her? hindi pa kasama ung mga unpublished ones hehe ooohhh geez :) :)

THOUGHTS IV

To the eighth wonder of the world,

The words I know of are inadequate to convey my pleasure of having you in my life. I assume that you are clueless of what you are in my little world. Very well then, let me tell you.

You, my darling, a beautifully crafted woman of God, have never failed to wipe away my sorrows and paint a smile on my face. I don't know how you do it but every time you'd place your sweet, soft hands on my cheeks and when your mesmerizing eyes meet mine, all my troubles would simply dissolve. Whenever I am full of rage, times when my heart is overflowing with fury, just a simple "calm down, elijah" from you would suddenly extinguish the fire. All my anger would drift away yet still leave me wondering how it happened. No one in my entire life not even my parents has the ability to silence all the noise my head. Again, I am puzzled. How do you do it?

Sometimes I am stupid, I admit. I--I make you cry with my careless words. I know, trust me I do and I am sorry. If only the skies could paint the sadness I feel whenever you're hurt. If only the waters could reflect the hatred I have towards myself knowing that I am the one who caused you the pain. If only my arms could reach and wrap you... and tell you how deeply sorry I am. Then and there you would see how treasured you are in my life.

Your random acts of kindness. Your messages in my phone "have you eaten?", "go to bed early okay?", "I'll meet you in my prayers" so on and so forth would totally melt my heart away. I guess to you those were just plain and simple but to me... oh my you have no idea! :)

Thank you. Thank you for being a good friend, for being a special friend... an extra special friend. Thank you for caring, always having my welfare in mind. I don't know how to thank you enough... I'm speechless. Did you know that I juiced up my mind so I can find these words for you?? That's how special you are to me.

I remember telling you that only special people have a place on my blog.... guess this is your 3rd post haha. :) You...you are definitely... worth the wait.

Thoughts III

"Is she here yet?", "Has anybody seen her?" My eyes were in search for a familiar silhouette as I walk around the place."Come on what's taking her so long?"

There she was making her way pass through the glass doors. The spotlights turned to her as if slowly unveiling her gentle and conservative beauty. Here she comes only a few steps away. For a swift moment the crowd seemed to have sealed their lips and all the noise has seized. Nothing can be heard from the place except for the clicking of her heels and the sound of my heartbeat.

"Elay" She uttered with a smile as she stands right in front of me. "Calm down, don't be too obvious" I whispered to myself. "Hey what's up, is she your friend?" I replied "Yes, we're going to talk about something" She answered back. All day I've been filled with sunshines and butterflies all locked up in my chest but of course I can't tell her that. I can't say "Hey I've been waiting for you all day" That would be shallow and stupid! "Okay go ahead" with a deep breath I answered.

I couldn't stand waiting so I gathered all the courage scattered in the corners of my mind and decided to sit next to her.

There we were laughing our hearts out AGAIN. Oh I wanted to just sit there and talk to her forever. I always like, wait not like: LOVE, I always love to make her laugh why? well here's the thing; I DON'T KNOW.

Another day has ended

"In all of creation all things great and small, you are the one that surpasses them all. More precious than any diamond or pearl they broke the mold when you came in this world. And I'm trying hard to figure out just how I ever did without the warmth of your smile, the heart of a child that's deep inside leaves me purified."

I posted this without editing so there may be grammatical flaws oh well it's my blog anyway. Kindly leave a comment :)

Thoughts II

I first saw her in my dream; a charming young lady whose face is like those of angels. She has a smile that can wipe out anyone's sorrow and eyes that seem to hold all the beauty in the world. Her captivating physique is no different from her pure heart. Oh she's perfect... simply perfect.

Her beauty is one that surpasses the countless faces in the crowd. A jewel in a sea of pebbles, a swan in a pond of ducks, an oasis in a land of sand, a rose in the middle of thorns and thistles, words even phrases come flooding into my mind every time i think of her. I don't know which to pick, I don't know what word or set of words would be able to convey her beauty.

"Hi elay" she came to me tapping me by the shoulder. "I'm okay, as usual" with a low voice I replied. Our minutes of conversation seemed hours. The giggles we shared are priceless. Her voice was music to my ears. I did nothing but ridicule her oh so corny jokes and taunt her punch lines but little did she know, that beneath those silly lines lies a heart that jumps in inexpressive bliss.

When will heaven grant me the chance of conversing with her again?

I guess for now there's nothing left for me to do but to steal glimpses of her...
to admire her beauty and be dazzled by her charm from afar...
to stay up late drawing images of her in my mind...
to wait... and wait

Words from the heart

Thoughts

A soft breeze wafts on my cheeks
caressing me softly and lovingly
and thoughts of you came racing
soon upon my awakening

Sing to me my beloved
I always long for your tender voice
a serenading song, a soothing lullaby
so irresistible, so you

I keep falling in love with you
every minute of every day
sunrise till' sunset, dusk till' dawn
my love, my darling
my calm waters and my woodland dove
your love is more than enough
is everything that my soul ever longed for

Cup your hands into my cheeks
and look deep into my eyes
so you could see once more
like an inexpressive bliss
like an inconceivable ecstasy
my unfathomable love for you

photo from ireneshpak