Monday, January 11, 2016



for the last time I puffed my fifth cigarette stick for tonight. As I sat in the balcony staring across the dubai skyline, the thoughts I have tried evading these past days, ambushed me.

I looked his instagram page up. Ive been successful this past week for not checking it and I thought Ive come so far but I was wrong.

I saw his smile.

The smile that would always greet me during our early skype sessions.

The smile that I saw when he emerged from the arrival gate at the airport.

The smile that I would wake up to every morning we spent together.

A smile that is now because of the new man in his life.

Again, I am ruined.

Again, I am defeated.

I have been replaced so easily.

He said I would never know the feeling of leaving the person you love.

... the person you love...

how do you abandon love?

If this is how love is supposed to feel, then I refuse to be loved.

Is love responsible for the tears that stream down my cheeks as I type this?

Is it the sharp pang that I feel inside my chest?

If it's so, then I dont want any of it.

Oh the I'll-be-fine and the I'll-be-okay lies that I tell my friends and coworkers whenever they ask

The countless How-to-move-on articles that Ive been reading

The strength inducing songs Ive been listening to

All of it dancing in front of me; mocking me, humiliating me.

There really is no escape, no shortcuts.


All those promises

All the ugly crying

Gone with the wind.


He is happy without me

I have accepted it a hundred times and now I must be reminded of it again.


I'll be fine.



the temptation to sneak is real.
when my partner and i broke, there was no single day i haven't visited his social accounts.
and each of that single day, count of views is terrible.

it's very natural, i think, especially if you're the one who was left behind. the victim always seek for justice they say.
then eventually, as time goes by, i noticed that i started skipping that "everyday" routine.
once or twice in a week nalang until i finally learned (or i guess kinasawaan or kinatamaran ko) to withdraw from it.
maybe not totally, but i know will come to that point.

infidelity was the culprit our relationship has recently ended.
damn! the struggle is fuckin so real!
it was my first time to experience being fooled.

"welcome to the club" tease some friends.

my previous relationships were consensus parting ways.
done and invested in good faith and hence, ended well.

well, you don't have to tell me you'll be fine or you'll be ok.
cause i know, you will be.
and yeah, there are no shortcuts.
time is great healer.


i said too much. hahaha

Soul Yaoi said...

It gets better.