Saturday, April 2, 2016

here i am staring blankly at the ceiling again with tears rolling down my cheeks.

someone's outside knocking on my door, offering a another chance at love.

everything is so right with him. 

the pain dissolves in the background.

i find myself starting to feel again after being numb for a long time.

im starting to get attached... too attached.

it's like my heart is slowly being pieced together as another chapter begins to carve itself on the cracks.

it's funny, i cant even find the right words to depict joy for all I've known is to write about melancholy. 


i am afraid...

I dont think I can survive another heartbreak. 

Kasi tangina mejo hindi biro yung naranasan ko eh. 

it's like someone has killed you and you have to live through it and watch it happen. it was awful.

every single day that I open my eyes I wished I just died.

I dont think I can endure another "I'm seeing someone else now, I'm sorry."

another "I'm sorry for hurting you, Elijah."

I dont think I will have the strength to look at pictures of my future ex partner and his new boyfriend as it destroys not just my heart but my whole being.

no amount of words is adequate to convey the excruciating pain that engulfed my heart while I forced my eyes to open and stare at the their pictures as it unfold before me.

hindi ko na ata kakayanin magkaron ng flashbacks habang nasa trabaho ng mga panibagong promises na hindi matutupad.


natatakot ako...

to the point na hindi lang ako mareplayan I become paranoid. It's disgusting and I hate it. This is not me!

im crying because i feel incapable of loving and receiving love.

... because I feel unworthy.

If I could turn back time, I would've ended things on that first "hello".


1 comment:

Pepe v2.0 said...

Nalulungkot ako sa ideya na "dumating ka pero ang pinaghahandaan ko ay ang iyong paglisan." that is simply and plainly sad.

I don't think love can truly thrive if that is how we will look at every new opportunity. It is like shutting the door even before one enters. It contradicts each other and thus cannot co-exist. One must gave way for much later point in life. And that is reality.

Again, this is my personal take.